


Festive Fools and Matriarchs

by andrhars



Series: Engines and CPUs [6]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Christmas Party, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mentioned Stalking, booze will flow, link and sheik just want one normal get-together, the usual anxiety and awkwardness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-24 22:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrhars/pseuds/andrhars
Summary: It's time for Zelda's Christmas party! But unexpected guests will show up, a certain Sheikah matriarch makes an appearance, Sheik just wants to spend time with his boyfriend, and Link has made a very big decision. Will they survive? Find out!
Relationships: Impa/scotch, Kafei/OC, Link/Sheik (Legend of Zelda), Paya/Zelda (Legend of Zelda)
Series: Engines and CPUs [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1125819
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Festive Fools and Matriarchs

Link swallowed heavily as he stared down at the drying ink on the paper, with which he'd just put down his signature. His chest felt like it was about to burst with tension as he looked through the document one last time, trying to find any last-second errors. Whether he actually hoped to find any, he wasn't sure.

Was he making a mistake, with this? It hadn't felt like it, at first, but as he filled out field after field, getting closer to the bottom, his eyes blurring from reading all the legalese, his heart had started beating faster and faster. He'd expected the tension within him to release once he wrote his name at the bottom, the slight tremor in his hand giving his usually elegant signature an uneven quality.

Was it good enough? Would he have to fill it out again because his name was illegible? No, it wouldn't be a problem, surely?

He made a frustrated noise and leaned back in the sofa, glaring at his traitorous hand. So steady when making minute adjustments to Epona's engine that could have disastrous consequences, but just writing his own damned name was a step too far, apparently.

The cushion next to him dipped as someone sat down next to him on the sofa, their shoulder bumping his.

"All done?" Zelda asked, reaching for the paper without asking, and he let her pick it up and stick her nose into his business. "Mind if I take a look?"

"Have at it," Link replied with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in a feeble attempt to stave off the incoming headache that had started building behind his eyes the moment he sat down with the papers.

"Looks good to me," she said after reading through it, smiling at him and carefully setting the documents down on the coffee table. "You okay?"

"Oh, you know," Link said, frowning as he screwed his eyes shut. "The usual."

"Head noise?" she asked sympathetically, falling back on the term they'd used as kids whenever he'd had an episode.

"So much," he replied, trying not to let the intrusive thoughts get through. They always did, in the end, but he was getting better at keeping them out for longer. Or so he thought, at least.

"It'll be fine, I promise," Zelda said soothingly as Link felt her hand tugging at his sweater, pulling him closer...and then down, making him readjust his position and put his head in her lap, where her fingers began running his hair, occasionally rubbing gently at his scalp. "There's no way it can go wrong, believe me."

Link hummed, enjoying the sensation. "See, the rational part of me wants to believe you..."

"...but the dominant, stupid part doesn't," she finished. "I know. And we'll just have to show the big dummy how wrong it is, don't we?"

"Mmm," Link hummed again, feeling the tension in his shoulders and chest releasing a little at his sister's careful ministrations. She'd gotten really good at it over the years. This, combined with the fact that her apartment, for once, _wasn't_ filled with the sounds of rasping screams, pounding drums, razor-sharp guitars and thrumming bass, really helped him calm down.

He listened to the calm, melodious tone of some male singer whose name he'd never learn sing about...well, Christmas. What else was there to sing about at this time of year?

"Hm."

"What?" Zelda asked.

"Just surprised at your choice in music," he said. "Half surprised you didn't go for a 'Dark Yule Mix' or something."

His sister snorted. "Oh, trust me, that'll come on later tonight when we're all together. Figured I'd give your poor, sensitive eardrums a little break while it's just you and me."

"Much appreciated," Link replied, pinching her knee, which earned him a swat on the ear. "I do so appreciate being able to, you know, hear."

"Especially when Sheik is around, huh?" she said, her tone suggesting a devilish grin on her face. "Such a soft voice on that one—is he still that quiet when you're getting it on?"

Link's eyes flew open and he swore he gave himself whiplash with the speed at which he turned his head to look up at her, an outraged look on his face. "Wh-What the f—!"

"Hey, I'm the big sis here," she said, holding up her hands innocently. "It's my job to embarrass you with these questions. Plus, I'm curious. _And_ I tell you things about Paya all the time—it's only fair!"

"I have _never_ asked you for details on you and Paya's love life!" he howled, throwing himself off the sofa and backing away from her, the she-devil. He vaguely considered making warding gestures, but she was staying away for now. "You just tell me without any prompts! It's borderline harassment!"

"Oh, pfft, don't be such a baby," she replied, laughing...or cackling, really. "We're brother and sister—we can share these things!"

"I don't want to!"

"I'm sure Sheik and Kafei talk about this stuff too!"

Now that was just not true. Link couldn't imagine Sheik—pure, innocent Sheik—wanting to discuss sordid details with Kafei. Kafei...well, he was the type who most definitely would, but Sheik would shut him up very quickly if he started going on about it, especially if he then demanded Sheik share as well.

...not that there was much to share on that front.

Yet.

Or so Link hoped.

Or not.

He wasn't sure.

Not that he wasn't...interested. Because he was. Very much so.

But Sheik...well, Link had no idea what Sheik wanted. Or how much. Or how far he'd be willing to...or if he even _was_ interested in that stuff.

"Hey," Zelda said, suddenly standing in front of him, gently tapping his temple with her index finger. "Don't go disappearing on me, yeah? I'm pretty sure it's nicer here in my apartment than way inside that noisy head of yours. Whatever you're thinking about, leave it aside for now. Here, I'll make you some cocoa."

She took his hand and led him into the small kitchen, where the snacks and food for the Christmas party covered all available counter space and table surfaces.

"Stir the eggnog, would you?" Zelda asked, pointing to the pot on the oven, the contents of which were bubbling slightly. "Maybe turn down the heat a notch."

Link did so, happy for the distraction, while Zelda busied herself with a second pot. "You can just use the microwave, you know," he suggested.

"Microwave?" Zelda asked, pausing to give him a look that suggested he'd just suggested slaying every firstborn child in the city in the name of Santa. "Absolutely not! We're doing cocoa the proper way—my little brother deserves only the best!"

There was no point in trying to stop her. Zelda was a lot like her father, with a stubborn streak a mile wide and not liable to change her mind once it was set on something. When she was committed to something, she went all in. And that was it. So he kept carefully stirring the eggnog as he watched her prepare a second pot of cocoa, with a little orange flavour in it for zest. Link's favourite.

"Thank you," he said, making her pause.

"For what?" she asked.

"For being you," he replied, smiling.

"Yeah, I am pretty amazing, aren't I?" she said, grinning and bumping her hip against his. "Give that a taste, would you?" she said, gesturing to the eggnog. "Need to know if I have to spike it more or if there's enough booze."

There was _plenty_ of booze.

Zelda poured some more into it anyway.

"Better safe than sorry," she said happily, thrusting a mug of delicious cocoa into his hands.

"There's _nothing_ safe about that," he said, pointing at the pot of devil's brew that had once been delicious eggnog. "Your dad's going to freak out when he tastes it."

" _Our_ dad appreciates a good rum-nog just as much as the next person," she said matter-of-factly. "Besides, he'll be coming straight here after the office Christmas party, and he'll _need_ a pick-me-up after another close encounter with fucking _Karen_."

"She's still there?" he asked as they headed back into her living room and sat down on the sofa again.

The TV was on, playing a holiday-themed movie, the sound muted. On the screen, a man was having a lot of trouble hanging up Christmas lights on the exterior of his house, accidentally stapling himself to the wall. He then fell off the ladder and into the bushes.

"Unfortunately," Zelda said, wrinkling her nose. "She's a wizard with numbers, apparently, and indispensable during tax season. And she's mostly professional the rest of the year. It's just during the parties she gets a little...handsy."

Link shuddered. "Better get him a double when he gets here, then."

"Oh, he can count on that."

Link's phone buzzed, and he nearly spilled his cocoa in his excitement to pull it out of his pocket, hoping to see a certain name on the screen and...it wasn't.

Instead of Sheik, the message ID said it came from Kafei.

"That was a hell of a journey," Zelda said with giggle next to him. "I think your face went through five different stages of excitement, and then grief. Who is it?"

"Kafei," Link muttered sourly, opening the text and quickly scanning the contents. The words made his stomach drop. "Oh no..."

"What? They can't make it?" Zelda asked worriedly. "Paya didn't say anything..."

"It's not that," Link said, showing her the phone. "Look!"

Zelda's face paled a little. "Oh...oh no!" she exclaimed, flying off the sofa. "Link, we gotta clean this place up, it looks like a pigsty in here!"

"Right," he said, standing up after her. "What can I do?"

"Grab the vacuum!"

The siblings then spent the next hour thoroughly cleaning what had already been a spotless apartment. It was the only thing they _could_ do, really, in the wake of such news.

* * *

As if Sheik wasn't worried enough already, _this_ had to happen! At this point, he was seriously contemplating locking himself in his closet and just waiting out the holiday season in it. He could bring his laptop and stream movies and shows, maybe bring some snacks. He could be quite comfortable in there as long as the Wi-Fi was working. It'd be snug and warm...and not disastrous like the outside world.

"Why?" he asked his cousin, glaring at him. "Why?!"

"I didn't think she'd actually accept!" Kafei wailed, sagging dramatically on Sheik's bed, burying his face in the pillow like he was trying to suffocate himself. Sadly, he then came up for air. "I figured she'd be too tired from the flight and would just go to the hotel, but noooo!"

"You guys are pathetic," Elenwe said from her seat on the floor in front of Sheik's television, controller in hand and currently having a very intense game of Teddy Bear Death Racing against Paya, who was sitting next to her. "She's your _aunt_. She's an _old_. How scary could she possibly be?"

Sheik paused, giving Kafei's fiancée a very long look, and then turned his attention to his purple-haired idiot of a cousin. "You haven't told her, have you?" he asked.

"I thought I'd spare her the nightmares," Kafei said, voice muffled by the pillow. "One case of PTSD is enough in this future marriage."

"I don't think that's infectious, baby," Elenwe said, sparing her future husband not a moment's pity. "Paya's never complained about her."

"I'm a g-good g-girl," Paya said, her eyes never leaving the screen, where her go-kart-riding teddy bear was currently trying to hit Elenwe's with what appeared to be a gigantic, blood-stained spiked ball on a chain. Where did the blood even come from? The teddy bears were filled with _fluff_! She wasn't blinking as her kart got closer and closer...

"Her fear was pre-installed at birth," Kafei muttered.

Sheik closed his eyes and tried to breathe calmly, counting to ten inside his head. It didn't help. The night was shaping up to be enough of a disaster to begin with, what with Sheik being thrust into a social event during which he'd have to be on his best behaviour. Add a jet-lagged, tired and grumpy Impa to the mix, and...well, he'd need a double dose of his anxiety medication tonight, that was for sure.

Right.

Breathe.

He could do this.

Link had invited him, and he was damn well going to go. Only now he had to actually dress up, because if Impa saw him attending a party (even as casual of one as Zelda's Christmas party) in jeans and a hoodie, nothing could save him.

And that required him to...eugh... _dress up_.

He took one look inside his closet, which was quite well-stocked with all sorts of clothes, both casual, slightly formal, and formal, to be quite honest. Problem was...Sheik only wore casual clothes. He had no idea what to wear to a party like this.

"Erm..." he cleared his throat. "Elenwe, Paya?"

"Y-Yeah?" his cousin piped up.

"I need some help..."

"Be with you in a sec, hon," Elenwe said. "Aaaaaand...yes! In your face, Paya! First place and with seconds to spare!" She jumped up from her seat on the floor, dancing. "Who's my bitch?!"

Paya glared up at her. "That was ch-cheating! That f-flail came out of n-nowhere!"

"Ah-ah-ah," Elenwe sang, waggling her finger arrogantly in Paya's face. "You said you wanted the flail, that it added a bit of excitement and randomness to the game. You don't get to complain about it now. Now say it: Who's my bitch?"

Paya grumbled under her breath.

"What's that?" Elenwe asked, touching the lobe of her ear. "Didn't quite catch it."

"I am," Paya said a little louder, putting her controller down and standing up, turning to Sheik. "Wh-What is it?" she asked, face still red from...annoyance and embarrassment, probably.

"I need a little help with my wardrobe," Sheik replied, feeling stupid. He reached for one of his fidget cubes, fiddling with the button on it. "I don't know what to wear..."

"Ooh, I finally get to dress you up?" Elenwe asked, looking far too excited. "I've been waiting for this moment since the day I met you, Sheiky! Come on, show me what you've got!"

"What about me?" Kafei asked, raising his head from the pillow. There were creases on his face. "Don't you want my help?"

As one, Sheik, Elenwe, and Paya took a long look at Kafei and what he was wearing, and said:

"No."

Kafei spent the rest of the hour sulking.

* * *

Stepping back, Elenwe surveyed the results of her and Paya's project, making a high-pitched squeaking sound. "You. Look. Adorable!" she exclaimed.

Next to her, Paya had her hand over her mouth, eyes shining with either tears of adoration...or of laughter. It was either-or at this point.

Kafei made no secret of how he felt about Sheik's ensemble, cackling like a madman and falling off the bed.

"I thought we were going for 'respectable'," Sheik said, helplessly staring at himself in the mirror. It had been going so well. He was dressed in a pair of nice, dark grey slacks, and a fitted button-up shirt that was somewhere on the dark red scale of colour...and then they'd made him put on the sweater Paya had been wearing, leaving his cousin in a pair of black slacks, a well-fitting white shirt and a black tie.

In itself, the sweater was not a problem. It was a nice, minimalistic sweater. Black in colour. Very soft. And it actually looked quite nice with the slacks and shirt.

Problem was, it was Paya's.

And Paya was...well, quite bigger than Sheik. In all areas. Height, length, and width. As a result, he was drowning in the sweater, to the point where even his hands were hidden by the sleeves. And apparently this was... _cute_?

"I can't wear this, I look ridiculous!" he exclaimed, moving to take it off, but was stopped by Paya.

"D-Don't," she said. "It l-looks good!"

"Impa will never forgive me for going out in public like this!" Sheik cried.

"She'll take one look at you and pass out from adoration!" Elenwe insisted, joining Paya in restraining Sheik. "Seriously, no one can stay mad looking at you dressed like this!"

"You clearly don't know our beloved matriarch," Kafei drawled, finally calming down from his laugh attack, though a little giggle escaped now and then. "Is this your way of standing up to her?" he asked the two girls, who endeavoured to look as innocent as possible.

"Maybe?" Elenwe said.

"P-Possibly," Paya conceded.

"Well," Kafei said, giving Sheik a sympathetic look. "It was nice knowing you, cousin."

Big words, coming from a man wearing a bright purple leisure suit and a shock-pink shirt.

"She really will kill me," Sheik muttered. "And then you, for robbing people of their sight." He made to remove the sweater again. "Seriously, I can't—"

"Link's gonna love it," Elenwe interjected. "You know that, right? He won't be able to keep his hands off you."

Sheik paused. Well...if that was true, then maybe...

"I'm not sure I trust you," he said slowly, trying to look at Kafei and failing. The pain was too much. "Look at what your fiancée is wearing. What you're _letting_ him wear."

Elenwe glanced in Kafei's direction. "Believe it or not, that's what I talked him _down_ to. If you knew what he originally planned to wear, you'd never let him dress himself ever again."

"I'm an adult, I can wear whatever I want!" Kafei exclaimed, lovingly stroking the sleeve of his suit jacket. There were reflective threads in the fabric, which caught the light and made the suit _shine_.

"First p-part's debatable," Paya said, squinting to avoid being blinded.

"Especially when the original outfit involved a sweater with a naked Santa, an open present, and the phrase 'I have a big package for you'," Elenwe helpfully supplied.

"I wish you'd have worn that," Sheik said. "It'd draw Impa's attention away from me."

"Oh no, baby cousin," Kafei said with a grin. "If we are to face the dragon's wrath, we'll do so together!" He paused, giving Sheik another critical look, grinning like a loon. "E's right, though. Biker Boy's going to love that look on you."

Paya nodded resolutely.

And Sheik's will broke. He wanted Link to like his outfit. He had no idea exactly _what_ about him wearing a sweater far too big on him would cause Link to like it, but...if three people claimed it would, who was he to argue? Besides, it's not like he'd have to wear it the whole night. He could take it off when Impa arrived, thereby making _Kafei_ the most visible person in the room.

A handy distraction while Sheik made his escape.

"Right," Kafei said, looking at his phone. "Just got a text from Zel. Says it's okay that Impa comes."

Sheik buried his face in his hands. "You didn't ask _Zelda_ first?!" he shouted, muffling his own words.

"She said I could invite as many friends as I wanted!"

Sheik reconsidered his Christmas Bunker plan. It was getting more attractive by the second. He looked to Paya for help, but she was uncharacteristically stoic, looking calmer than he had ever seen her.

"Aren't you worried? Impa's about to meet Zelda," he said. "What if she...she says no?"

"If sh-she doesn't approve, sh-she doesn't approve," Paya said, giving Sheik a tight smile. "And I w-won't care. It's m-my life, n-not hers."

Oh, if only he had the guts to feel that way and say such things. But try as he might, Sheik still cared very much about what his aunt and only parental figure thought about his life and his choices.

Sure, she'd probably figured out that he was gay pretty easily, and if so, she had been very supportive in that regard...that is, supportive in that she didn't comment on it. Or say anything about it in general.

She must have known, right? How else did those safe sex pamphlets appear in his book bag a week before he left for college? He'd refused to look at them, of course, because acknowledging them like that wouldn't be good for his, you know, sanity.

So that _probably_ wasn't an issue. What _was_ , however, was whether or not she'd approve of Link. His first boyfriend.

Not that he'd break up with Link if she didn't, but...it would make life a lot harder than it already was.

"Come on," Elenwe said, taking him by the arm and dragging him over to the television. "We're leaving in thirty minutes, let me kick your ass in TBDR a couple of times first."

He didn't resist, deciding to do his best and focus on smashing Elenwe's kart and leaving her bear's fluff covering the roadway.

It worked. Up until the moment Elenwe gave a loud shriek, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Your hair!"

* * *

The first guests had begun to arrive, trickling into Zelda's small apartment and immediately getting to work on drinking themselves into oblivion thanks to her overzealous spiking of everything that could be spiked. She'd even suggested spiking the gingerbread house, but Link had put his foot down and said no. Some things were too good to ruin with booze.

"How does a guy who races motorcycles and does daredevil stunts under a secret identity turn into such a fuddy-duddy at parties?" Zelda asked, trying to find a kink in his defence of the poor gingerbread house.

"I'm not a fuddy-duddy," Link protested. "I just like to drink responsibly! Plus, we need to keep _something_ non-alcoholic for those who don't drink!"

"Fine," Zelda said, making a very put-upon face and putting her rum bottle down. "But if people complain, I'm blaming you."

"Please do," he replied, shaking his head. "Why don't you put on that playlist you made? Screaming about human sacrifice always cheers you up."

"Oh, you're right!" Zelda exclaimed, making a run for the stereo. "Hang on to something!" she announced. "This is going to get heavy!"

And heavy it was. Link couldn't even make out the words the singer (if they could be called that) was belting out, their voice buried under the heavy mix of instruments being played (if bashing the crap out of them counted as playing). Ostensibly, the lyrics were supposed to be about Christmas (or Yule), but it was impossible to tell. Link was already regretting distracting his sister with music when he felt his phone buzzing again, looking down to find a text from Sheik.

**SheikahPrince:  
On our way.  
ETA 15 minutes.  
If Kafei doesn't kill us on the way, that is.**

**Which is about 50/50, tbh.**

Link knew he was grinning like an idiot as he texted a quick reply.

**Me:  
Alright - can't wait to see you!**

"My future brother-in-law?" Zelda asked, her voice audible only because she was hanging over his shoulder, looking at the screen. "Aw, I love your nickname for him!"

Link blushed, shrugging her off and stuffing his phone into his pocket. "Ever heard of a little thing called privacy?" he asked with a huff.

"No such thing between brothers and sisters," she said with an evil grin. "So, they'll be here soon?"

"Fifteen minutes, give or take. Taking Kafei's driving skills into account, we might see them tomorrow morning." Link ran his fingers through his hair, happy to find no tangles of any sort. Wouldn't do to look unkempt when Sheik got there. He paused, looking down at his clothes. "Do I look okay?" he asked.

Zelda rolled her eyes. "For the hundredth time, _yes_ , you look great! Sheik'll take one look at you and start drooling! And you know why? Because _I_ dressed you!"

And boy did Link know it based on the uncomfortable way the white button shirt's collar was digging into his neck. It fitted him perfectly, but Zelda had been a little too keen on the starch. Over the shirt he was wearing a black waistcoat which, according to his sister, emphasised his waist...which was still slender no matter how much time he put in at the gym, much to his irritation. The back of the waistcoat was silky and caught the light in flowery patterns, which he quite liked to be honest. Finishing the outfit was a pair of black slacks that hugged his ass tightly—part of what would make Sheik drool, apparently.

Again, Link couldn't imagine Sheik drooling. He was too graceful for that.

There was a knock at the door, and on the other side stood the gathered Champions, shoving and knocking into each other.

"Will you get _off_!" Revali growled, trying to dislodge Daruk's arm around his shoulder...which was about as easy as moving a mountain.

"Nah," Daruk said, grinning down at their host. "Hey, Zel. How's it going? Thanks for the invite."

"Yes, thank you very much," Urbosa said, stepping into the apartment and giving Zelda an expensive-looking bottle of wine with a bow wrapped around it. "We all chipped in and got you something pricey and fancy with a name none of us can pronounce."

"Excuse you," Mipha said from somewhere behind and to the left of Mount Daruk. "I can pronounce it just fine. It's a bottle of—"

The syllables that came out of Mipha's mouth _might_ have been from an actual language, but to Link it was just...noise. Three different throat sounds, even. He'd have to ask her about it later.

"Aw, thank you, guys!" Zelda said, stepping back and waving them in. "Come in, come in! I've got loads of food and booze!"

"Ah, that's good to hear!" an unexpected voice said boisterously as _another_ mountain of a person stepped into the apartment after the Champions. Sidon looked exuberant, as usual, taking in Zelda's apartment with an excited look. "I've been stuck at work for fourteen hours, and I'd love to have something that _isn't_ pizza!"

"I brought my little brother, if that's okay?" Mipha said, patting her brother's arm a little harder than usual. "I forgot to ask."

"The more the merrier!" Zelda announced. "Hi, Sidon! Good to see you again!"

"Likewise!" Sidon spotted Link and waved cheerfully. "Hiya, Link! Long time no see!"

Link waved back weakly. The last time he'd seen Sidon had been during his first date with Sheik at the mall, which had led to a slightly awkward moment between Link and Sheik. Not Sidon's fault, of course—he'd just been his usual, hyperactive and mega-friendly self. Then again, it had also led to a moment of clarity between the two of them, so maybe the awkwardness had been worth it.

He exchanged greetings with his daredevil partners and found himself relaxing a little now that he was surrounded by more familiar faces. A bottle of beer found its way into his hand, and he was soon about halfway into it. Zelda was gone, still greeting guests and doing her duties as hostess, handing out cups of eggnog that was more rum than nog, and cocoa for those so inclined.

"So," Urbosa said, overtly looking around the living room. "I notice the lack of a certain red-eyed young man. Is he coming?"

"He is," Link said, giving her a suspicious look. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason," Urbosa said, taking a sip of her rum-nog. "Just curious to see how you're getting along..."

"She wants to see you two being all lovey-dovey," Mipha translated, smiling innocently at Urbosa's glare. "She just can't admit it to herself."

"Is it a crime to love seeing two people being affectionate with each other?" Urbosa said, crossing her arms and glaring at the shorter woman. "I fail to see the issue!"

"A crime? No," Revali said, adjusting the collar of his dark blue shirt. "Creepy? A little. Voyeuristic? Very."

He stopped touching his collar, but his hand remained near his neck, tapping a particular spot where his shoulder and neck met. The crash had left him with a recurring pain there that seemed to come out whenever he was stressed or uncomfortable.

Which was all the time, because Revali was one stressful, awkward guy. And kind of an ass. Not that he deserved a permanent injury like that, though. Another reason to hate fucking Ghirahim.

"I don't think it's creepy at all," Sidon said, grinning. "Not if it's just to appreciate the cuteness of it. And Link and Sheik are _very_ cute together, based on what I saw at the mall!"

"Oh gods," Revali said, looking up at the tall man. "There's two of you."

The doorbell rang again, and Link must have had some sort of internal timer in his head, because the ring lined up perfectly with it running out. He turned and practically charged for the door, taking a moment to compose himself before reaching for the handle.

"Phones out, everyone!" Revali shouted. "This is going to be comedy gold!"

"Shut it, Rev!" Urbosa hissed.

(She had her phone out).

Face already burning from having the attention of all his friends (and the entire room now, thanks to Revali's shouting) on him, Link opened the door...and his jaw dropped.

On the other side, cheeks just as red as Link's, Sheik stood, surrounded by his cousins and Elenwe. He was wearing an oversized black sweater that hid his hands, and a huge scarf was wrapped around his neck, to the point of almost hiding the lower half of his face. He looked like he was about to bolt, but Kafei's hand on his shoulder kept him still.

All Link could think, however, upon seeing Sheik's outfit was...

 _Moe_.

Never had he seen someone embody the concept so perfectly in real life, not even cosplayers. This exceeded even his wildest expectations, and not even the attention that was burning at his back could keep from just...staring, mouth opening and closing like a fish on land.

And that was before he noticed the braid. Normally, Sheik kept his long hair in a simple ponytail or a quickly gathered bun on the days he couldn't be bothered. Tonight, however, it had been braided, and in a pattern Link hadn't seen before. It looked complicated, but surprisingly simplistic at the same time, in a way he wasn't sure his brain could compute.

There was no way in fucking hell that this...this _avatar_ of cute could be his boyfriend. There was no way Link could be that lucky!

"H-Hi," Sheik said after a long moment's pause.

"H...Hey," Link replied intelligently. "Uh..."

"This is adorable and all, but can we come in?" Kafei asked, breaking the spell and bringing Link's attention (unfortunately) to the suit he was wearing. It'd leave phantom imprints on his retinae for weeks, Link suspected. "Standing in the hall isn't exactly what we had in mind for tonight."

"Oh, r-right," Link said, stepping aside, eyes magnetically drawn back to Sheik, whose face had gone even redder by now. Impossible to miss was the way Sheik's eyes looked Link up and down intently, hovering on the 'sweet spots', as Zelda had called them.

"You're welcome," Elenwe whispered into Link's ear as she passed him.

"Thank you," he said breathlessly.

He was about to greet the others, but by then Zelda had noticed Paya and had flung herself into the Sheikah's arms, giggling as Paya swung her around in a half circle before embracing her tightly, kissing her forehead.

"H-Hi, Zel," she said. "I m-missed you."

"I missed you too," Zelda replied and kissed her on the lips, evoking a cheer from the room. "Kafei, Elenwe, welcome. Please, make yourselves comfortable and get drinking."

"That's the plan," Elenwe said, handing her another bottle wrapped in a bow. "From Ayla's mother's wine cellar. Said it's a particularly fine year."

"Aw, that's sweet, thank you," Zelda said, looking past them. "Isn't Ayla coming?"

"Oh, she'll turn up at some point," Kafei assured her. "She just had to accompany her mom to some diplomatic function first. She hates those and will need to act out a bit afterwards, so...I hope you've got enough booze."

"She does," Link said. "Enough to kill us all."

"That's what I like to hear," Elenwe announced, noticing the Champions and waving. "There they are!"

The new arrivals filed past (it was impossible to miss Zelda dragging Paya off to the kitchen, presumably to make up for lost time), and soon Link and Sheik were standing alone by the door, still staring at each other.

"Hey—"

"You look—"

They paused; both having started to speak at the same time. They did that a lot. It made it difficult to start conversations sometimes. Sheik gestured wordlessly to Link, letting him start first, taking the moment to unwind the scarf from around his neck and hanging it on the nearby clothing rack.

"You look...amazing," Link said...and then the stupid part of his brain took over, the logical part too overwhelmed by the fucking _snack_ that was his boyfriend. "You're like...perfect moe. I can't even!"

Sheik paused, halfway to reaching the rack.

"Perfect what?" he said, looking confused...which only made him even cuter. Gods, Link's heart wasn't going to make it through the night at this rate.

"You know...moe?" Link said, realising he had absolutely no way of explaining the concept without sounding like a creeper. "Uh...it's...you now...a combination of clothes and looks and mannerisms that make...ah...heh...you're...it's being super-cute, basically. You're cute. Super."

"Oh..." Sheik said, digesting the haphazard collection of words that had been thrown his way. "So...it's a good thing?" he asked, and there was a slightly hopeful tinge to his voice that made Link's heart soar like a fucking eagle.

"it's a very good thing, absolutely!" he exclaimed, nodding vigorously. "The best thing, even!"

Sheik's blush made his face practically glow.

"Oh...thank you," he said, clearing his throat and looking away. "You...look quite good yourself. I like the waistcoat. Fits you very well and looks...elegant. Very handsome."

Link's cheeks heated up once more. He couldn't handle it. This was just...just too good!

"Th-Thank you," he stuttered. "It was Zelda's idea. Not mine. I'm not...good at dressing up."

"Same," Sheik said, clearing his throat. "This was...Elenwe and Paya's idea," he said, lifting his sweater-covered hands.

"Remind me to send them a thank-you card," Link said, grinning widely when Sheik laughed.

"I will," Sheik said. "And I will send one to Zelda."

All of a sudden, they were standing mere inches apart, their faces getting closer and closer. Link closed his eyes. He couldn't wait to kiss Sheik again. His lips were always so soft, and the way he fit perfectly into Link's embrace made everything feel perfect, and—

"Hey, hey, keep it PG, you guys!" someone shouted from across the room, laughing as they sprung apart like they were burned.

"Fucking hell, Rev! I'll strangle you with your own tie!" Urbosa roared.

"Wanna go somewhere else?" Link asked, noticing that just about every eye in the room was on them now, thanks to Revali's big mouth. Link made a note to humiliate his ass on the tracks later. Sheik nodded, and grabbed Link's wrist, surprising the daredevil with his proactiveness.

Unfortunately, his foresight wasn't very good, and Link realised only too late _where_ Sheik was dragging him. "Sheik, no—"

Sheik saw them first, on account of having more or less barged into the kitchen. Link only caught a glimpse, but it was enough to scar him for life.

Zelda, lifted up on the counter, with Paya standing between her legs, which were wrapped around the Sheikah's waist. They were kissing, messily, and hands were under—sweet Hylia— _clothes_. It was Link's absolute worst nightmare, and one he'd managed to avoid for most of his life. And here they were...

"Oh, gods! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Sheik exclaimed, tackling Link back out of the kitchen. "I'm so sorry!"

Link, acting purely out of self-preservation at this point, grabbed Sheik by the shoulders and pivoted them around until they were firmly situated in a corner of the apartment, as well out of sight as possible. Their faces were still bright red, but this time out of supreme embarrassment and sheer horror.

"That...was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life," Link said, smacking his forehead into the wall and leaned against it, groaning.

"I'm s-sorry," Sheik said, fists clenching and unclenching so badly Link could see them even through the too-long sleeves of his sweater. "I didn't realise they—I didn't see—"

"It's okay, it's not your fault," Link said quickly, clearing his throat when his voice squeaked a little. This was fucking trauma, pure and simple. "I should've realised where you were taking us."

"There was only the one room, and—"

"It's okay," Link said firmly, pulling Sheik a little closer, until they were inches apart once more. "Hey, look at me..."

Sheik did so, their eyes meeting. Sweet Hylia, Sheik's eyes were so red...so beautiful...

"You're so cute," Link found himself saying, leaning forward to kissing Sheik on the lips. Just a quick peck. It still felt better than...anything he'd ever experienced. Sheik looked amazed for a moment, and then returned the kiss.

" _You're_ so cute," he retorted, pouting a little. "Why do I have to be the only cute one?"

"Never said you had to be," Link said, grinning, looking Sheik up and down. "But...gods, you're so cute. You're like straight out of an anime, or something."

"Please don't compare me to a cartoon," Sheik muttered, grimacing a little. "I'll never be able to live up to it."

"More like the cartoon will never live up to you," Link said immediately, and without thinking.

Wow, he thought. That was either the smoothest, or most awkward, line I've ever delivered.

Based on the bashful way Sheik looked away, it was the former. Link wanted to give himself a little fist bump, but he had a feeling that would lose him every single cool point he'd ever earned...and he had precious few to spare to begin with.

"So," he said, cursing his voice for squeaking again at that moment.

* * *

"Would you like a drink? Zelda's made eggnog that's like, nine tenths rum, and cocoa that's just sixty percent rum."

Sheik blinked in confusion at his b-boyfriend. He still tripped over calling him that mentally, to his embarrassment. "Why did you use two different..." he shook his head. "Never mind. Um...do you have something that isn't mostly rum?"

"I've got a six-pack of cider in the fridge?" Link said, shuddering as he pointed towards the kitchen.

There wasn't even a door to give Zelda and Paya some privacy. What had his cousin been thinking?! Oh, Sheik longed to give Paya a piece of his mind for just randomly forcing her girlfriend into some sort of voyeur exhibitionist show, but going in there now would mean interrupting them and possibly seeing...things. Things no cousin was ever meant to see.

"Oh, um, that's okay," he said, looking around the room. Maybe there'd be something else...

"Just stay here, I'll get it," Link assured him, smiling in a way that was probably meant to be cocky, but coming out far more crooked in the face of what he was about to...well, _face_. He was gone before Sheik could stop him, leaving the Sheikah alone in the corner.

Though not for long.

"Well, looks like Biker Boy's a smooth operator, eh?" Kafei said as he sidled—actually _sidled_ —up to him, grinning like a demon.

Which he was.

A stupid, stupid demon.

Wearing the ugliest fucking suit and shirt combo Sheik had ever seen.

Whoever said the Dark Lord of all evil would appear in an attractive form was a damned liar.

"S-So what if he is?" Sheik asked, crossing his arms and glaring at him. The effect was ruined by his sleeves. "I like it."

Kafei grinned a little wider. "Oh? Does he have designs on your innocence, dear cousin? If so, I might just object."

"Shut the fuck up," Sheik hissed. "That's the last thing I want to talk about with you!"

"I'm just saying," Kafei said with a giggle, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "BB better be prepared, you know what I mean?"

"No, and thank Din I don't," Sheik growled.

Kafei paused, his eyes widening a little. "Okay, I was just fucking around before," he said, voice serious. "But you _do_ know what I'm saying, right? He'd better have some protection, or I swear I will hang him by his—"

"I know what you mean!" Sheik exclaimed. "I just don't want to talk to my cousin about it! Please stop saying things now! No more vocalising that never-ending stream of idiocy that is your train of thought!"

This was bringing back memories of a teenaged Kafei, clearly feeling it was his responsibility, taking a little Sheik aside to tell him about the birds and the bees...never mind the fact that Sheik had gotten that talk from Impa just a few days prior. Impa's lecture had been brief, to the point, and factual. Kafei's was...a lot more graphic. And imaginative. And lengthy.

It had given Sheik nightmares for weeks.

He never wanted to talk to Kafei about sex or protection ever again. His sanity couldn't take it!

He prayed to every god he knew as Kafei just kept blabbing through his pleas...and help finally came in the shape of a red-haired angel.

"There you are," Elenwe said, grabbing Kafei by the scruff of his neck...or shirt collar. It had the same effect. "What are you doing now? Traumatising him even further?!"

"I just want to make sure he knows what to do in case—"

"Sheik is an adult, he can handle himself just fine," the Gerudo said, dragging Kafei with her back to the Champions, who had claimed the sitting group in the middle of the room.

Her eyes met Sheik's as they left, and she managed to communicate something far more assuring with that one look than Kafei could with a thousand words.

_Come find me if you need help._

She was far too good for someone like Kafei.

"I'm back," Link said, appearing with two cans of cider. "I'm not even scarred."

Sheik accepted the can and took a long sip. Anything to wash away the resurfacing memories of Kafei explaining the differences between men and women...and getting some details very wrong.

"What, they've moved elsewhere?" he asked after swallowing.

"Not quite," Link said, cocking his head from side to side. "They'd stopped doing... _that_ , and were instead ladling eggnog into each other's mouths...which, now that I think about it, is somehow worse." He shuddered bodily, drinking deeply from his can as well. "At least there's enough alcohol in it to kill any germs..."

Sheik couldn't help but chuckle. He'd been imagining some sort of disaster to occur at the party, but with him as the accidental instigator. Maybe for once that'd be Paya's job.

He sipped from his cider once more and took a moment to look around Zelda's apartment. He'd been here once before, but it'd been a brief visit before they all went out to the movies together and he hadn't gotten a very good look at it. It was one-bedroom place, with one large living room and an attached kitchen—bigger than what most students would be able to afford, but...well, Zelda's dad was rich, so it made sense that she'd be able to live like this.

Compared to Sheik's single-room place, as well as Link's, it was almost a mansion. Link had admitted that Zelda's dad had offered to get him a larger place, but he'd been fine with the smaller apartment. The only thing he'd cared about was having a place to himself, which made sense given his anxiety.

There was a large sitting group that dominated the middle of the living room, in front of an impressive-looking media centre. The television wasn't particularly big; most of the space was dominated by the stereo equipment—huge speakers, an expensive-looking amp, and two separate record players. Zelda certainly loved her music, and it showed in the multitude of band posters that dominated the walls. Some were properly framed, others haphazardly taped or tacked onto the wall.

The rest of the room was lined with shelves, most of which contained the records and CDs she'd amassed over the years, and various knickknacks—several model cars, for example, bearing the Hyrule Motors logo, which was three triangles arranged in a pyramid formation. She was definitely looking to get a position within the company after college, according to Link.

Next, he looked at the guests. An interesting bunch, and ever-changing as one group left the apartment and another came in. Most seemed to be fellow students, but there were exceptions, such as the Champions, only one of whom was still a student.

The thought of another guest that was due to arrive soon nearly made him choke on his drink, but he forced it down, refusing to let the phantom ruin his evening. There was plenty of time until she arrived anyway.

"You okay?" Link asked, a little quieter than before. "Is it too much?"

Sheik gave him a smile. "I'm good," he said, and for once he wasn't lying. He was here, he was with Link, he had a good drink in his hand, and a corner to stand in. He was more than able to handle this. "Thank you, though," he added. "If I could handle the garage party for the most part, I can handle this."

"Let me know if that changes, though."

"Of course. And likewise."

Link nodded happily. "So...you done with your finals now?"

"Finally," Sheik confirmed. "Had my last programming exam yesterday—had to write a program. By hand. On paper." He lifted his right hand, warping his fingers into a claw-like shape. "The pain!"

"Aw," Link cooed, taking Sheik's hand gently and massaging his wrist. "I'm sure you did well, though."

"If they wanted an over-complicated system, sure," Sheik replied with a grimace. "I thought I did well...until I left the exam building and realised I'd written the program the _hard_ way rather than using the shortcuts and...eugh. It's not technically wrong, but I'll miss out on any bonus points."

"You'll still get a perfect score," Link said, his warm hand still holding Sheik's wrist, thumb resting on his pulse point. "You're just that smart and clever."

"Flatterer," Sheik said, blushing. He was doing that a lot tonight. "And you? How'd you do on yours?"

"Okay, I think," Link said, shrugging. "Not sure, to be honest."

"Liar," Sheik said, laughing. "You're a straight A student! I've seen some of your work!"

"I just got lucky with the questions, that's all," Link said, smiling bashfully. "Doubt I'd make it through my classes at all if Professor Rauru wasn't so tolerant of me not participating as much during them."

"Sounds like a good guy."

"He is. Best teacher I've ever had."

"I'll have to send him a fruit basket."

"What for?"

"For giving my b-boyfriend a chance to shine."

Link's eyes widened, and the next he knew Sheik was pulled into a tight hug.

"God, you're so fucking cute," Link muttered into his ear. "I don't deserve it."

Sheik opened his mouth. "I—"

"Hey, Link!"

The rude interrupter didn't even acknowledge that he'd intruded on a personal moment, standing there with a beer in his hand, grinning drunkenly and looking like he'd been deep in his cups before even coming here.

Joy of joys.

"Oh, Keven," Link said, not looking very enthused at being interrupted...and not by this Keven especially. "Hey—didn't know you were coming."

"I wasn't, origa...originini...originally," Keven replied, needing three tries to finish the sentence. "Had to when I heard you'd be here, though." His eyes briefly flicked to Sheik, and then back to Link. "So, how are you? You look _great_!"

Sheik took a deep breath. Right. Emergency mode activated. An enemy had entered his territory and was:

a) Drunk as hell

b) Rude as hell

c) A terrible dresser

Seriously, way too tight designer shirts never looked good on anyone, no matter their physique...and Keven didn't even have that on his side. And then there was the pungent stench of body spray that invaded Sheik's nostrils and made his head spin. Seriously, did he _bathe_ in the stuff?!

And then there was the next issue:

d) Making eyes at his man

Unforgivable, and Sheik had no patience for this fool.

And worst of all:

e) Making Link uncomfortable

Sheik could see it in the way Link curled up a little on himself, his face locking into place like a mask, smile curling a little as if to ward off a disgusted sneer. His shoulder rose with tension, and he put his back against the wall in an attempt to put as much distance between them as possible.

Link did not like this guy.

Keven didn't take a fucking hint, though, and stepped closer, still ignoring Sheik. "I'm heading to another party after this," he said, his words slurred. "Way better one. All kinds of people and more booze than you can dream of...and some _other_ stuff, catch my drift? Wanna come?"

"No thanks, Keven," Link said, his voice tight. "I'm good here."

"Aw, come on baby," Keven said, stepping even closer, getting uncomfortably close now. "You've no idea what you're missing—this place is so fucking lame, and what's with the music? Can barely hear myself think in here!"

Not that you do much of that to begin with, I suspect, Sheik thought, his fist clenching around his cider. If this guy didn't back off...

"And no hotties, either," Keven continued to complain. "Well...except you, though." He grinned. "Come on, let's go."

"No, thank you," Link repeated, eyes widening.

"Link, don't be such a fucking stick in the mud, it'll be fun, I promise, come on—"he reached for Link, to grab his hand or wrist or arm.

But he never made it that far. Sheik's hand was suddenly around his wrist, squeezing.

"He said no," Sheik said, glaring at Keven. "He's not going with you."

"And who the fuck are you?" Keven growled.

"His fucking date, that's who I am," Sheik growled right back at him.

Keven sneered. "Date? You? A fucking blood-eye? Bullshit! Last I checked Link wasn't into fucking criminals!"

"Keven, don't—"Link tried, but Keven laughed.

"And what the fuck are you even wearing? Trying to draw in the weebs, huh? Sorry, no sad losers for you to rip off here! Why don't you run off home, huh? Don't you have shit to steal or something?"

"No, but I've got an ass to kick, apparently," Sheik said, his pulse thrumming in his ears. Gods, if a face was ever in need of a fucking fist...

"Try it, blood-eye," Keven hissed. "Touch me and I'll fucking sue you for everything you're worth...not that that'll be much!"

It was too late—Sheik was in it now. He was halfway through planning his move (drop the can, step forward, grab Keven's arm, pivot and toss him over his shoulder like so) when a big hand clapped onto Keven's shoulder.

"I think that's enough, don't you?" Sidon asked cheerfully, grinning down at Keven with a distinctly shark-like expression on his face. "This is supposed to be a party, you know, and you're bumming us all out. Plus, I don't think you were actually invited? So I think it's time to leave."

For a moment, Keven looked like he was going to argue (or pick a fight), but his eyes widened a little as he took in the sheer awesomeness that was Sidon. At least two heads taller than Keven, and with a body that looked more at home on ancient marble statues, there was no question as to how a physical confrontation between them would go.

"Get off me," Keven snarled, pushing Sidon's hand off, but making no further moves towards Link. "Fine, fine, I'll fucking leave! But don't think this is over, blood-eye!" he said, pointing at Sheik. "You're not good enough! You're trash!"

Sheik felt himself take a step forward, ready to kick his ass, but Link's hand on his stopped him.

"He's not worth it," Link said quietly.

"If I'm trash, I have no idea what we'd call _you_ ," Sheik said. "We'd have to invent a whole new category of garbage, just for you."

"You little—"Keven rushed forward, but Sidon caught him around the middle.

"I said out!" the redhead roared, dragging Keven to the door, which someone helpfully opened, and shoving him out. "You're not welcome here! Don't come back!" The door slammed shut, leaving the apartment in stunned silence. Even the music had been turned off.

In the crowd, Sheik spotted Kafei and Elenwe, who had both been in the process of getting out of the couch, heading his way. Paya and Zelda stood in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide. And then Zelda was pushing through the crowd towards Link.

"Link, are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm...I'm..." Link kept trying to speak, but he looked nearly catatonic now that Keven was gone, his face ashen.

"I didn't invite him, Link, I swear!" Zelda exclaimed. "Please, I had no idea he was coming, you have to believe me!"

"I..."

"Fuck," she cursed under her breath. "Come on, come with me. Paya, I need a moment alone with him, is that okay?"

"O-Of course," Paya said, staying where she was.

"Will someone put on some _fucking_ music?!" Zelda exclaimed, dragging Link towards the bathroom. "This is a godsdamned party!"

Sheik made to follow them, but Sidon stopped him.

"They need a moment alone," he said quietly, a huge difference from the roaring he'd done just moments ago. "Sibling time, you know?"

Music began to play again, the party getting back on track after the interruption. Reluctantly, Sheik allowed Sidon to guide him back into the corner, feeling a little exposed...not to mention uncomfortable with the eyes that kept looking his way. So much for not starting a catastrophe—what had he been thinking, picking a fight like that?

"Are you all right?" Sidon asked, looking concerned.

"Y-Yeah, I'm good," Sheik said, clearing his throat. "Just...coming down."

"I know what you mean," Sidon replied, nodding. "All that blood rushing to your head, and then it just stops, and you're left feeling a little lost, right?"

"Yeah, exactly," Sheik said, looking up at the _much_ taller (grr) man in wonder. "Been in many fights, huh?"

"Some," Sidon replied, shrugging. "None that I started, though."

"Huh..."

By then, Elenwe had elbowed her way through the crowd and reached him and Sidon. "Hey, you okay?" she asked. "What the hell was that all about? Who was that guy?"

"I'm okay," Sheik said, only lying a little. He was _exhausted_. Between the almost-fight and his anxiety currently playing havoc with his thoughts, he was ready to leave. But he had to make sure Link was okay. That he hadn't just fucked up immensely by picking a fight with Keven. Mostly making sure Link was okay, though. He'd looked devastated by the time Zelda pushed him into the bathroom and locked the door. "I'm...not really sure who that guy was." He looked at Sidon. "Any idea?"

"I know who he is," Sidon said, lips curling a little in distaste. "I don't know the full story, but he and Link met at a party a year or so back? Guy's a creep and got...handsy. Zelda interrupted before anything could happen, but...the damage was already done, I think."

"If I see his face again, I'll kill him," Elenwe said, her face completely serious, no hint of a lie. "Both for what he did to Link, and what he said to you," she pointed at Sheik. "Seriously, though, are you okay? Do you want to leave?"

"I'm...good," Sheik said, lying again. By the kitchen, he saw Kafei and Paya talking to each other, both of them occasionally glancing in Sheik's direction, checking up on him. "I just want to make sure Link is okay."

"Okay," Elenwe said, nodding. "I'll let Kafei know. The moment you need to, though—"

"I'll come find you," Sheik finished. "I know. Thank you."

"Good," she said, nodding. Then she looked at Sidon again, sticking out a hand. "I don't think we've met properly, big guy. Elenwe."

"Sidon," he replied, grinning like an excited puppy, shaking her hand. "I think you know my sister? Mipha?"

"Ah, I knew there was something about your hair that looked familiar," she said. "Look, Sidon, you seem like a good guy. Can you keep my future cousin-in-law company for a little while? I need to find my fiancée and convince him to call off the hit squads for Assface Mcgee out there."

"Of course," Sidon said. "I was just about to show Sheik my NetPix account!"

"You were?" Sheik asked, confused.

"Well, I was leading up to it!"

And so Sheik spent the next fifteen minutes or so in the corner with Sidon, looking at the redhead's phone as he scrolled through an extensive social media account full of pictures of...anything, really. Sidon didn't seem to have a running theme, apparently preferring a more stream-of-consciousness approach to his NetPix presence.

There were a lot of dog pictures.

"...and this is an adorable little dachshund I met on my way to work the other day," Sidon said proudly, zooming in on the picture of a little sausage dog panting happily and looking at the camera. Sidon's hand was in the picture too, petting its back. "He was such a happy and energetic little guy; I just had to stop and pet him!"

"Ah...very cute," Sheik said, looking to the bathroom, disappointed to see that the door was still closed and locked.

"And next...oh yeah, me and some of the guys in my class took a diving trip off the coast of Lurelin last month," Sidon said, switching to the next photo.

It was of a group of young guys and girls, all in great shape and wearing very little apart from their swimsuits, posing triumphantly on a boat. There were more muscles on display than at a gym.

Sidon, unsurprisingly, dominated the photo, even located on the back row. One of the guys, his hair black and eyes golden, had his arm around Sidon's waist, giving the camera a cheeky grin and a victory sign with his fingers.

"That's Bazz," Sidon explained, pointing at the dark-haired man. "He's my best friend from home, a year or so older than me. We went to school at the same time, though, so we get to study together!"

"Friend," Sheik repeated slowly, not sure if that's what he was seeing on Bazz's face, or the way he held Sidon. "Right. He's not here tonight?"

"Ah, unfortunately not," Sidon said, shaking his head sadly. "He had to work. He's a night-time security guard over at the palace museum."

"Oh, that's too bad..."

"Oh, no worries," the redhead said. "He invited me for lunch tomorrow—oh, hey, you and Link should join us!"

Sheik froze. Was he supposed to say yes? He...liked Sidon, he realised, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to interrupt what Bazz had probably hoped was going to be an intimate affair. Maybe the time for a confession, even.

"M-Maybe we should wait and see how Link is feeling," he said. "Thank you for the invitation, though. I appreciate it."

"You're very welcome!" Sidon pumped his fist. "It's the least I could do after how I behaved on your date back then. I felt so bad about it!"

"Oh, well, there's no need to worry about that," Sheik said, regretting the harsh things he'd thought about Sidon back then. He'd been so convinced Sidon was a typical frat bro type, but talking to him now, he saw none of that. Just a very enthusiastic guy who didn't seem to have a bad bone in his body. "Well, I was maybe a little mad, but that was just because I was...j-jealous."

"Jealous?" Sidon said, his brow furrowing. "Why would you feel jealous? You're a catch! If anything, _I_ should be feeling jealous! But I don't, because you and Link clearly care a lot about each other, and..." he lowered his voice and leaned in a little closer, "you're very cute together. Besides, I could never hope to compete."

Bullshit, Sheik thought. If you decided you wanted Link, you'd have no trouble getting him. Not after Link's seen what being with me is like for a while. Still, he smiled nonetheless, because apart from that whopper of a lie about not being able to compete, he sensed no deceit from Sidon. He really meant what he said about not getting in the way.

"Anyway," Sidon said, bringing their attention back to his phone, "this is...oh, whoops. Me in the gym. Wasn't supposed to show you that pic! Please ignore!"

How could I possibly ignore that? Sheik wondered, the image of Sidon, sweaty and shirtless, lifting a barbell with so many weights on it Sheik couldn't count them, was burned into his retina. He might as well never bother going to the gym again—he'd never be able to build his body up to _that_!

"Uh," Sidon said, flicking through his account. "Oh, there are lot of gym photos, now I think about it. Not sure why Bazz keeps insisting I upload them, but he knows a lot more about social media than me. They certainly get a lot more clicks than the dog pictures, which I think is pretty sad—"

The bathroom door was suddenly unlocked, the click of the mechanism so loud it sounded like a hammer blow.

Sidon heard it too, and they both saw as Zelda emerged from the bathroom, gently leading Link through the crowd...towards them.

"Hey," she said, giving Sheik a careful look. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry about what happened—that guy is pretty much banned from everywhere on campus, but he keeps finding his way in. I'll be much more careful when vetting the guest list in the future."

"I'm good," Sheik said, a bit tired of assuring everyone that he was fine. He was more worried about Link, who still looked a bit pale. "And yeah, I'd appreciate if we didn't meet that guy again. Ever."

"Believe me, so do I," she said darkly. "Anyway, here you go." She motioned to Link, like she was handing him over to a new owner. "He's all yours. Treat him well and have him back by midnight, 'kay? Sidon, come with me, there's something I want to show you!"

"Huh? What? Oh, okay!" Sidon said, confused but going along with it anyway. "Sheik, what's your NetPix username? I'll friend you!"

Sheik didn't have a NetPix account, but that didn't matter because Zelda and Sidon were gone before he could answer.

"H-Hey," Link said, his voice a little rough. His eyes were a little red, and Sheik knew what that meant. "Sorry 'bout that."

"It's all right," Sheik said. "I...I don't know the full story, but...I am...you know...sorry...and...uh...do you want me to kill him? I can make it happen, you know? I have my own hit squad." He pointed to Kafei, who was currently...trying to balance a beer bottle on his nose, apparently. He failed, dinging himself in the eye with the bottle's neck. "He's an idiot, but he usually gets the job done. If not, I'll ask Elenwe."

The corner of Link's mouth lifted a little. "What about Paya?" he asked.

"Oh, Paya's only for occasions when I need someone annihilated completely," Sheik said. "She's the heavy weapons, the scorched earth tactics." Link smiled more and more as he kept talking, so Sheik just...kept on. "Hell, I'll kill him with my own bare hands, if necessary. Snap his neck like a twig, just..." he mimicked wringing Keven's neck with his hands. " _Craaaack_!"

Link smiled. Victory!

"I appreciate the thought," he said, "but I don't think it'll be necessary."

"Do you...want to talk about it?" Sheik stepped a little closer, keeping a little distance, just in case Link wasn't feeling up to it. His chest warmed considerably when Link closed what little distance was left, so their shoulders were touching as they leaned against the wall.

"Not really," Link said. "Not...right now, okay? Maybe later? I just want to forget about it for now."

"We can do that," Sheik said, nodding. "I'm not really the super-drinking type, but...a drink, maybe?"

"You read my mind."

* * *

Five minutes later, they were the cozying up on one of the sofas, huddled up as close to each other as possible—both because they were sharing the sofa with about three more people than it was designed for, and...well, because they wanted to be close.

Link was grateful that the Keven incident hadn't turned Sheik off the whole party. He'd been worried it'd be too much for the Sheikah—which would've been totally understandable. It had nearly been so for Link, after all. Seeing Keven again had brought back the same feeling of panic he'd felt the first time he'd met the bastard, when he'd cornered Link and started...touching.

Link should've pushed him away, fought back, _something_...but he'd felt powerless, unable to believe this was happening to him. Zelda had intervened before clothes had been moved aside, but Link swore he could feel the bastard's hands crawling all over him for weeks afterwards. Ever since he'd done his best to avoid him...which was easier said than done when they shared many of the same classes.

That was partly the reason he always chose to sit at the very front of the classroom—Keven hated that, apparently, preferring the back. And Link was always quick to escape before they had a chance to accidentally meet.

"...don't you think?" Sheik said, finishing a question Link hadn't heard the first half of.

"Uh...pardon?" he tried. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear the question."

Sheik raised an eyebrow but repeated his question.

"I said, this cocoa is quite good, don't you think?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely," he said, taking another sip to prove his point. "Only a little over half rum, this one."

"I can taste it," Sheik said, grimacing at the aftertaste. "But it works."

"No, you idiot!" Elenwe shouted, shoving her phone into Kafei's face on the other sofa across from theirs. "Look right here! Ravio has _green_ eyes! Look at them! Do those emeralds look blue to you? I don't fuckin' think so!"

"They're blue-green!" Kafei maintained stubbornly.

" _You_ will be blue-green when I'm done with you!"

They wrestled for a while until one of them lost their balance and tumbled to the floor, taking the other one with them. The coffee table had been moved to accommodate more guests, luckily, so nothing was broken. There was still a loud bang when they hit the floor, which drew the attention of the whole room...which then began to cheer when the pair started to make out right there on the floor.

"Oh look, it's the night of their engagement all over again," Sheik drawled, shaking his head. "No, wait, they're not stripping yet. Give them an hour, though, they'll get there."

"I don't think I want them to," Link said. Not that Kafei and Elenwe weren't attractive people, but...it felt _wrong_ to see more of his boyfriend's cousin and fiancée than absolutely necessary.

"I'll stop them before it gets to that, don't worry," Sheik promised, leaning a little closer to Link, letting more of his weight rest against his side. It felt lovely, and warm. "And if I fail, Paya is there to take care of it."

"You sure about that?" Link said, nodding to the corner of the room where, unsurprisingly, Zelda and Paya were busy embarking on deep explorations of each other's mouths. "I'm not sure Paya is even aware of where she is right now."

Sheik looked absolutely disgusted. "Doesn't Zelda have a room they can go and do... _that_ in?" he asked.

"She usually keeps it locked during parties," Link explained, draining his cup of cocoa and reaching for another can of cider.

The table was piling up with empty cups, glasses, and bottles now. The apartment wasn't quite as packed as before, many guests having just stopped by on their way out on the town. The music had been turned to a more palatable playlist for the general public (though Zelda had _demanded_ there be electric guitars involved). Things were getting quite pleasant now, honestly, and it was easier and easier to focus on the ambience and the warm body next to his than...the man who should not be named.

"Look at it, isn't it adorable?!" Sidon exclaimed on the other side of the room, shoving his phone into Revali's face, daring the older man to _not_ appreciate some cute dog or another.

Mipha and Urbosa were going through Zelda's music collection, occasionally having a small shouting match over which artist was better than this or that one, and which album had them selling out the hardest. For such a small woman, Mipha's voice carried _very far_.

Which was how Link learned that some band or another had an album cover made by an artist who'd used their own...bodily fluids to create art.

Disgusting.

Daruk was...asleep. Somehow. On the end of their sofa, he was snoring away.

"Big guy had a long shift," Urbosa had explained upon noticing. "He'll wake up sooner or later."

"Where does he work?" Sheik asked.

"Here and there," Link said, mentally sorting through the list of the various jobs and professions Daruk had been in since he'd met the big man. "Currently, I think he maintains machinery in some factory or other outside town. Sorry, Daruk works a lot of jobs and I'm never sure which one he's coming from or going to."

"I see," Sheik muttered, looking at the slumbering form of Daruk. "Poor guy. Does he need money that badly?"

"Partly?" Link said. "Maintaining bikes like ours isn't cheap, but I think he also likes it this way? He gets bored easily whenever he's had one job for too long and wants to do something else."

Sheik hummed, clearly not sure where to go from there. Neither did Link, so they just enjoyed each other's closeness for a bit. Link wondered if it'd be awkward to kiss Sheik now, or if this was the perfect time for it. Zelda would say the latter, but his sister had never had a very high threshold for sticking her tongue down some poor girl's throat, so he'd take her recommendations with a grain of salt.

Their eyes met, and Sheik seemed to be thinking about the exact same thing.

"Um," he said hesitantly. "Do you want to...maybe...k-kiss—"

"Yes please," Link said immediately, leaning closer to press his lips to Sheik's, having longed for that soft feeling again. A little chapped, but still soft and absolutely lovely. He could spend the rest of his life kissing Sheik and be perfectly content. Exuberant, even.

And then...

The doorbell rang.

And somehow, for some reason, the entire atmosphere in the apartment changed. Around Link, three heads (including the one he was trying his best to kiss) turned to face the door, the faces paling.

It took Link a moment to realise what was happening.

Oh.

Oh no.

He'd forgotten about that!

And then he saw something new. Sheik, Paya, and Kafei all standing up completely straight, almost like they were at attention (which, in Kafei's case, looked absolutely ridiculous thanks to his suit). The three Sheikah's eyes met, and a silent conversation seemed to take place.

"I'll get it," Zelda said, apparently not noticing the sudden tension. Which was strange, given what she'd been doing to Paya just a moment before. Somehow, her blouse was still perfectly un-rumpled, despite the rather firm grip Paya'd had on it earlier.

"Make-out ninjas," Link muttered under his breath, and he heard Elenwe snickering from the floor, having heard him.

"It's not the only thing they're good doing stealthily," she whispered theatrically as she picked herself up from the floor, straightening her clothes. "Come on, might want to make yourself presentable for the matriarch."

Link practically jumped out of the sofa, realising he must have looked like a mess. "How do I look?" he hissed as Sheik apparently lost whatever silent argument he'd had with his cousins and followed Zelda closely.

Zelda apparently didn't think too closely about who was on the other side and flung the door open. Link saw the brief moment of hesitation upon spotting the new arrival, but she took it in stride like a champion.

"Ah! Welcome! Please, come in, come in!"

Zelda stepped aside, and in walked the most intimidating woman Link had ever set eyes on.

She was tall and slender, her long, silver hair kept in a tight, immaculate bun that sat high on the back of her head. She was dressed in a perfectly fitting black pantsuit that was clearly tailor-made. Under the suit jacket she wore a white turtle-necked sweater that even from a distance radiated quality materials and workmanship. The colour of the sweater contrasted wonderfully with her warm, brown skin, a little darker than the other Sheikah's. Her feet were clad in black crocodile skin ankle boots, and an expensive looking purse hung from her shoulder, the sort that you never saw the price of because it was just too unattainable for normal mortals. Her eyes were blazing red, just like Sheik's, and piercing as they did a quick scan of the apartment before settling on Zelda.

Who stood rock-solid.

Link wasn't sure he'd be able to stand firm under such an intense look. His sister had always had an iron spine, though, and weathered it with no trouble whatsoever.

"It's such a pleasure to finally meet you, Mistress Impa," she said, even remembering to use the proper title for her, even giving a little bow. "Paya has told me a lot about you."

"My niece has told me a lot about you as well, Miss Hyrule," Impa replied, bowing her head as well, offering her hand to shake. "The feeling is mutual. Thank you for the invitation—I apologise if my sudden and very late acceptance caused you undue trouble."

It was hard to imagine that this woman had just stepped off a plane—she looked like she'd just stepped off a photoshoot for some fancy business magazine.

Zelda smiled brightly in the face of Severity Incarnate. "Oh, it was no trouble at all. I was just happy to hear you'd make it—this isn't a very formal get-together, to say the least. Please, make yourself comfortable, my home is yours!"

Impa nodded. "Thank you very much," she said, reaching into her purse and withdrawing a bottle of wine. "A gift for the hostess."

"Thank you very much," Zelda said, bowing again. "I think we should open it immediately—would you like a glass?"

Link stared at Zelda, his jaw falling open. Who the fuck was this polite, articulate young woman and what had she done with his foul-mouthed, head-banging, booze-swilling, innocence-corrupting devil of a sister?

"I would love one, please," Impa replied. "Now, if you do not mind, I have some nephews and a niece to greet."

"Of course," Zelda said happily. I'll uncork this in the kitchen and bring you a glass. As I said, make yourself at home!"

Every single guest at the party seemed to straighten up a little, trying to make themselves look a little less schlubby. Except Daruk, of course, who kept snoring away. None looked more at attention than the Sheikah, though, who silently filed up to Impa and stood before her in a single line.

It was like a military inspection. Sheik was first to go.

"Sheik," Impa said, studying him for a moment. "Why are you wearing Paya's sweater?" Sheik mumbled something Link couldn't hear...and neither could Impa, apparently. "Don't mumble, boy. Speak up."

"Because it makes me look cute," Sheik repeated a little louder. Link couldn't see his face, but he just _knew_ it was flaming red.

"My idea," Elenwe said, holding out her fist for Link to bump. He did so, but it was half-hearted at best, his attention solely on the strange parade at the door.

"I see," Impa said, looking at him closely once more. The moment seemed to stretch on forever, and Link could feel a drop of icy cold sweat slowly sliding down his neck. "Agreed," the Sheikah matriarch concluded, patting Sheik's head gently. "Good to see you again, nephew."

"A-And you, aunt Impa," Sheik replied, stuttering in surprise at the easy acceptance of his, frankly ridiculous, reasoning.

Apparently done with Sheik for now, Impa moved to the next wayward family member. Paya met her stare evenly and without comment. Which must have been hard to do given the blatantly visible hickeys on her neck.

"Paya," Impa said, letting her gaze linger on the hickeys for a long, obvious moment. "I see you have been busy since we last spoke on video. How are you?"

"Good, aunt Impa," Paya replied evenly and without stuttering, which must have surprised the whole room given the sudden gasps and surprised exhales. "You are looking well."

"Thank you, Paya. Keep it up."

"I will."

And finally, it was Kafei's turn. Even someone as impassive as Impa failed to remain stoic in the face of Kafei's suit. And his hair.

"Kafei," Impa said, lingering a little on the last syllable. "That is...the ugliest suit I have ever seen in my life. Why are you wearing it?"

"For precisely that reason, aunt Impa," Kafei replied quickly and snappily. "It gives me a whimsical and approachable appearance. Plus, it matches my hair."

Elenwe was hiding her face in her hands, trying to smother an ugly snort of a laugh.

Impa nodded. "It suits you."

That was either a compliment...or one hell of a burn. Link wasn't sure which he preferred. Elenwe's snorting increased in intensity, so it wasn't hard to guess which interpretation _she_ liked.

"Thank you, aunt Impa," Kafei said.

"Right, that's that," Impa said, stepping back and apparently noticing the rest of the guests for the first time...which was bullshit, because Link kept seeing her eyes dart around the room every now and then, clearly keeping an eye on...everything, really.

Sheik was the same way...as was Kafei and Paya. Something to do with their upbringing, apparently. Always on the lookout, or something.

"I'm sorry," Impa said, frowning at the room. "I was led to believe this was a party, not a spectator's event. Go on, back to it."

As she spoke, her eyes just happened (yeah right) to meet Link's, and her gaze turned to _steel_.

Why? Did she know who he was? Sheik hadn't told her about them yet, so how would she? Unless Kafei or Paya had blabbed...but that didn't line up right either—they weren't the type to go against Sheik's wishes like that...unless he was doing something dangerous, of course, and...oh gods, did they consider Link a threat?!

Why the hell would they let him date Sheik for so long, then?!

"Easy there, BB," Elenwe said. "Let's not panic until she _actually_ talks to you, huh?"

"Does she know about me?" Link hissed as the Sheikah spoke to each other quietly, their words drowned out by the party slowly starting back up for the second time that night.

"Not as far as I know," Elenwe replied, shrugging. "Then again, I don't know what Kaf talks to her about. I'm never allowed to listen in. Not for the lack of trying, mind you, but he's a fucking ninja when it comes to sussing me out when I'm trying to eavesdrop."

"I'm a dead man," Link concluded. "She knows who I am, and she's going to kill me for dating Sheik."

"If dating Sheik is worthy of killing you, what's she gonna do to me for marrying Kafei?" Elenwe replied, looking up just in time to catch an eyeful of Impa's gaze herself. "Oh gods," she muttered, "she's definitely going to kill me." She looked at Link. "Wanna skip town?"

"Think it's too late for that," Link said, watching as the little Sheikah huddle broke up. Sheik and Kafei were heading for Link and Elenwe, while Paya led Impa towards the kitchen. "Maybe now, while she's distracted?"

"Well, that went...better than I expected," Kafei said when he reached them, looking confused. Sheik, on the other hand, looked like his face was about to crack from smiling too widely.

"She's in a great mood," he exclaimed. "Haven't seen her this excited in years!"

Link stared at his boyfriend in utter bewilderment. " _That's_ the face of excitement?"

Sheik nodded, confused. "Yes?"

Fuck, how cute could one boy possibly be?!

"Wasn't she supposed to be a real hardass?" Revali asked, swooping in from the left. "I was expecting a dinner and a show, and so far I have neither."

"Oh, it's coming," Kafei said, lowering his voice. "I don't know what she's waiting for, but there _will_ be a reckoning. This suit alone," he said, gesturing to his horrid outfit, "would've earned me extra sparring sessions in the dojo—without mats—back home."

"Maybe she's eased up a little?" Sheik suggested. As he spoke, Link saw him losing faith in his words in real-time. It was fascinating. It also made him want to cuddle Sheik tightly.

"Nah, it's a trap, I'm sure of it," Kafei said dismissively. "She's just waiting for her moment to strike. I'd brace myself if I were you, cousin, mark my words."

* * *

Sheik kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for his aunt to reveal her inner dragon and unleash hell upon those unfortunate enough to be caught in her vicinity.

But it never happened. He watched as Impa let herself be led around by Zelda, a glass of red wine in her hand, and introduced to everyone. He watched his aunt—the scariest fucking person in the world—smile and shake hands with people whose existence he'd never imagine she'd acknowledge.

"...and this is Daruk," Zelda finished after the lengthy round of introductions, gesturing to the snoring man on the sofa. "He's had a long day, but I'm sure he'll wake up sooner or later." She looked thoughtful for a second. "And that's everyone, I think."

Lies.

There were two people she had yet to introduce.

Elenwe, for one. She was trying to edge her way towards the door, presumably to make a quick escape, but Kafei kept intercepting her.

Zelda had also purposefully avoided introducing Impa to Link. For what reason, Sheik had no idea. Maybe she expected _Sheik_ to deal with that introduction...and boy, did he not look forward to it. He'd been wracking his brain for the last fifteen minutes, trying to figure out the best way for his boyfriend and his aunt to meet, but everything he came up with had sounded wrong.

Worse still, Link had gone completely silent and rigid, sitting frozen on the couch, watching Impa stalk around the room like a fish watching a shark...or a gazelle watching a prowling lioness. Utterly terrified. And Sheik had no way of reaching him.

And now Zelda and Impa had come to a stop in front of Link and Sheik...and Sheik felt his aunt's razor-sharp land on him for a brief moment before flitting to Link.

"I do believe you've left this one out, Miss Hyrule," Impa said in an absolutely neutral tone. "How do you do, young man?"

"Oh, silly me," Zelda said in a fake tone of disbelief. "How could I possibly forget my own brother. Mistress Impa, this is my little brother, Link."

Link practically shot out of the sofa, giving Impa the most awkward handshake Sheik had ever seen. "H-How do y-you do?!" he more or less shouted.

"I'm well, thank you," Impa said, completely calm despite the aural assault. "I was not aware you had a brother, Miss Hyrule, forgive me." She looked between the two closely. "Twins, I take it?"

"Ah, n-no," Link said, his shoulders rising higher and higher with every passing second. Soon they'd be touching his ears. "Adopted, Mistress."

That _did_ surprise Impa, which in turn surprised Sheik. The Sheikah matriarch's eyes widened just a little, barely noticeable, and she looked between them again.

"My apologies," she said, bowing her head. "You look so much alike, and I jumped to conclusions. Please forgive me."

"Oh, there's nothing to forgive," Zelda said happily. "We're so close that we might as well be twins anyway. Link doesn't mind, right?"

"Y-Yeah."

"You're too kind," Impa said. "Well, it is a pleasure to meet you, Link."

"You too, M-Mistress!"

Impa studied him for another long moment before nodding to herself, turning to Sheik. "A word, nephew?" She gestured towards the kitchen.

Sheik's stomach plunged. "Y-Yes, aunt."

They were just heading to the kitchen for a conversation, Sheik knew (or hoped), but it felt like he was walking to his own execution. In the corner of his eye, he spotted Kafei and Elenwe, who were now practically wrestling by the door. That was a surprise, to be honest, Kafei being the one to insist they stay. Usually, he'd be the first out the door, happily tripping old ladies to create obstacles behind him.

Was he growing up?

Nah.

Couldn't be.

He cast one last look behind him, finding Link being tended to by Zelda on the sofa, looking like he'd seen a ghost...or Death. If Impa wasn't, she was definitely a henchman. Their eyes met, and Link could only offer a weak wave of encouragement.

There was someone missing, though.

Wait, where was Paya?

* * *

"You okay?" Zelda asked, sitting next to Link on the sofa and taking his hands into hers, squeezing lightly. "Stay with me."

"She's...terrifying," Link managed to force out, though it took a monumental effort.

Looking into Impa's eyes had been the single most terrifying thing he'd done this year. Scarier than asking Sheik out, scarier than the crash he'd been in during the race against Ganondorf. Sheik's aunt cut an imposing figure to begin with, but when she looked at you...it was like she saw _through_ you, down to your very bones, seeing every little ugly detail, every little secret.

"She's not a human X-ray machine, Link," Zelda said with a chuckle.

Did I say all that out loud? Link wondered.

"You did," Zelda confirmed with a nod. "And I wouldn't worry. Paya's told me a lot about her, and...well, yeah, she's a little scary-looking, but she pretty much raised all three of them herself, and look how they turned out—excellent people. Means she can't be all bad, right?"

Well...

They looked at Kafei at the same time.

"Well, two out of three ain't bad," Zelda corrected herself, reaching for her glass of wine and taking a sip. "How are you?" she asked seriously. "After...you know."

The feeling of phantom fingers crawling all over him was gone, now, luckily. "I'm fine," he said, honestly. "Or...as fine as I can be with the scariest person I've ever met roaming the apartment. I miss Sheik."

"He's been gone for twenty seconds."

"I miss him _a lot_."

"Here, drink something," she said, shoving the wine glass into his hands. "You'll need it, once Impa finds out you're dating Sheik."

He nearly broke the delicate stem with his grip. "Oh, sweet Hylia, I didn't even think about that!"

Zelda raised an eyebrow at him. "It didn't occur to you that the subject might come up at some point?"

"I was too busy trying not to have a heart attack!" he wailed.

"Don't worry, Link," Mipha said from somewhere behind him, her words very slurred, "I'll save you if that happ'ns!"

"Thanks, Miph," he said miserably, downing the wine in one go.

"I'll make sure to film it!" Revali added...from the other side of the room. How had he even heard that?

"Fuck you, Rev," he said, flipping him off, mostly on autopilot. "I need more wine, Zel."

"I'll get you some," his sister said, ruffling his hair. "Try not to drink it all in one gulp this time, though? That's a very expensive vintage." She sighed happily. "Impa has such good taste."

"How the hell are you getting along with her so well?" Link asked sourly. "And aren't you worried about her finding out about you and Paya?"

"If she hasn't figured that out already, I'll be sorely disappointed in her observational skills," Zelda replied. "And she's not nearly as scary as some of dad's business acquaintances, believe you me."

Link did believe her. He'd always found an excuse to leave the house whenever Zelda's dad had hosted parties when they were still living with him. Not that Link had needed excuses—his foster father would have understood either way.

"And as for me and Paya," Zelda continued. "Well, it's not really any of Impa's business, is it? Paya's an adult, and so am I. We can do whatever we like together, and Impa can't stop it."

She said it with such confidence, Link was jealous it hadn't rubbed off on him over the years.

"Is that how Paya views it, though?" Urbosa said as she flung herself into the opposite sofa. "I don't know much about the Sheikah, but I have heard that their family dynamics are a little...different from ours. A little stricter. Parents' influence remains strong for a lot longer than it does for Hylians, for example."

"We've discussed it," Zelda said with a sniff. "Anyway, I'm going to get more wine. Anyone else need anything? Snacks?"

"None for me," Urbosa said, nodding to Daruk. "Maybe a megaphone so we can wake sleeping beauty over there."

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

"You look well," Impa said.

Compared to the living room, the kitchen was quiet like the grave. The fridge hummed loudly, and there were a pair of pots on the stove, both bubbling happily. One was full of eggnog, the other cocoa. Sheik wondered if he'd need to drink it all by the end of this conversation.

"Thank you," he replied stiffly.

They were standing by the window, which overlooked the street below. There was little traffic, but it was gone midnight by now. Time sure flew when you were terrified.

Paya had taken up position by the doorway, preventing anyone from listening in. If that was a good thing or not, Sheik didn't know.

"I meant what I said before," Impa continued. "You look very cute in that outfit. Quite different from what you usually wear."

Sheik stared at her. He'd been so sure she'd gone along with his cheeky comment to avoid making a scene, that he'd pay for it later, but this was...unexpected.

"Are you...all right, aunt?" he asked, wondering if this was actually the real Impa he was talking to, or a body double...or a _body snatcher_!

"Hm?" Impa blinked. "I'm quite well, thank you. A little tired from the plane ride, I'll admit, especially thanks to the utter fool in the seat next to mine, but otherwise I am well. I'm just...happy to see you. It's been too long. I've missed you. All of you." She directed the last part to Paya, who smiled back at her. "Even Kafei."

"He's engaged!" Sheik blurted out.

Gods knew why. Between his nerves and Impa not acting herself, his impulse control was non-existent.

Impa didn't even blink. "I know," she said. "To the Gerudo he was quite adamantly preventing from leaving, yes?"

"How'd you...?"

"I'm not blind, nephew," Impa said, sipping her wine calmly. "I saw her ring, the way they kept looking at each other, and...well, I know what Kafei looks like when there's something he wants to tell me but is still working up the courage to. I generally don't jump to conclusions—we don't talk about five minutes ago—but in this case it wasn't as much a jump as a shuffle."

"Oh..."

"And I have half a mind to tell that poor girl to run away as far as she can."

Was that a joke?

It had to be, right?

Impa's face, though...

"Aunt Impa," Paya said from the doorway, her tone a little disapproving. "P-Please don't m-make such jokes."

The matriarch's mask cracked a little, the corner of her mouth lifting almost imperceptibly in a crooked smile.

"Just a little fib, of course," she finally said, finishing her wine and reaching for the bottle, which had been left on the kitchen counter, pouring herself another. "I've yet to be introduced to her, after all. I know nothing about her. If anything, I might have to tell Kafei to run instead."

Sheik stared at her in horror. Impa didn't make jokes. He'd been sure she didn't even _understand_ the concept of humour, much less have the ability to wield it.

"She's a good person," he said, sincerely. "Believe me."

"I do," Impa acknowledged, suddenly pausing. "If there's anyone whose sense of judgement I trust, at least when it comes to people, it's yours, Sheik. Whoever let Kafei wear that suit in public, however, probably needs glasses. Possibly therapy."

What the fuck was going on here? Was this some sort of alternate dimension where Impa _wasn't_ a harsh taskmaster from hell who put them through gruelling physical _and_ mental training? Where she _wasn't_ forced to endure the never-ending weight of responsibility of the clan leadership? Where the clan elders _weren't_ making her life so miserable with their never-ending requests or judgement that she could actually, maybe, possibly...be happy?

Or was it the booze talking?

"Anyway," Impa said with some finality, as if rolling up the conversation. "I just wanted to check in with you. You never were much for events like these. Or being around too many people at a time in general. Are you all right?"

Now there was an interesting question. A year ago, Sheik would've politely turned down the invitation to the party without even thinking about it. He'd hated every second of the parties Kafei had dragged him to before, only going along out of pity for his cousin, but now...now he'd jumped at the chance to go.

Mostly because he'd get to spend time with Link, but he could probably, with some effort, managed to convince Link to be with him in private instead. But here he was, ignoring that loud voice in the back of his head that kept yelling about how he was probably going to die any second, or some disaster would unfold if he spent even a second longer in such a crowded apartment.

And most interesting of all, ignoring it was _easy_. Sure, there was another voice now, continually whispering about how the woman in front of him couldn't possibly be his aunt, but that was something he'd have to digest later. There was only so much energy he could spend without exhausting himself.

"I'm...good," he replied. "Better than expected, even."

"Indeed?" Impa said, looking impressed. "Well, I'm glad to hear it. You deserve to let loose a little, for once." She gestured to Paya. "Which, now that I've confirmed you're well—all of you—means it's time for _me_ to let a little loose as well. Paya, be a dear and ask Miss Hyrule if she has some scotch."

"Will do," Paya said with a wobbly salute. Turns out all those muscles offered little resistance against the rum-nog. "Zel!"

"Excuse me, nephew," Impa said with a nod, following Paya out of the kitchen with military precision to her steps.

Sheik breathed out and leaned against the windowsill, unsure if he wanted to go back out there. He smiled, then, when Link's head peeked into the kitchen, looking nervous.

"You okay?" the daredevil asked.

"Better, now that you're here," Sheik replied, surprising himself with his smoothness.

Because that was smooth, right? It had to be.

"What did she want to talk about?" Link asked, joining Sheik by the window, sipping at a wine glass.

"Oh, just checking in, I think. Making sure I was okay, given the setting."

"Ah," Link nodded. "She knows about your anxiety, right?"

"She's the one who took me to my first therapist," Sheik said.

It had been a point of some contention with the elders, as he recalled, when Impa had first said fourteen-year-old Sheik needed help she was not able to give. They'd said no, but Impa had defied them and taken Sheik anyway. The therapist had then recommended he see a psychiatrist, who'd gotten him started on his meds. And he'd been far more stable ever since.

The elders had been coming down hard on Impa ever since, second-guessing every single thing she did.

"She's a good person," Link said, out of nowhere. "Scary as hell, but good."

"You can tell just by looking and a minute-long conversation?" Sheik asked, grinning.

"I can tell by the way you talk about her," Link corrected. "The way you _have_ talked about her. I mean, yeah, she's strict and demanding, but...she's always done right by you, Kafei, and Paya. Unless there's something horrible you haven't told me?"

Sheik thought about it for a moment and came up empty. "No, nothing," he said. "Other than a most wicked burn at Kafei's expense just now, she's never said or done anything bad. Not to us, at any rate. I've no idea what she's done to people outside the family. Or the elders."

Link's smile froze. "Eh?" he questioned.

Oops. He hadn't meant to say that.

"Anyway," Sheik said, "apparently she's just here to party...whatever that means to her. So..." He leaned a little closer. "Can we...continue where we left off?"

Link blushed, nodding eagerly. "Oh, absolutely! Just..." he hesitated. "Not in here? Your aunt doesn't know about us yet, right? I'd rather not have to explain what I'm doing to you if we get caught. She looks like she could kill me in about ten different ways just in here."

"Thirty-four," Sheik corrected him automatically, his mouth just ignoring his brain entirely right then.

Fuck.

Not again.

"Eeeh?" Link questioned again.

"Never mind," Sheik deflected. "Yes, I want to c-continue. But where?"

Link looked at him oddly for a moment, clearly confused about what Sheik had just said, but the blush returned when he realised what he'd been asked. "Follow me," he said, taking Sheik gently by the wrist and pulling him back to the living room.

They must have looked like they were enacting some terrible spy movie, sliding their way along the walls, with Link's head on a swivel, looking for the enemy.

The enemy, in this case, being Impa or anyone who'd give them away. Sheik had already located Impa, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his aunt was busy meeting Elenwe. Or evaluating her, based on the fact that they were standing inches apart, staring into each other's eyes like mortal enemies sizing each other up. Kafei stood some distance away, looking nervously between them. Paya had a steel grip on his arm, preventing him from jumping into the fray.

"What are your intentions with my nephew?" Sheik heard Impa ask.

"Marry him," Elenwe answered immediately.

"When?"

"Sometime after graduation."

"Plans for the future?"

"A proper career, and then lots of babies."

"What?!" Kafei exclaimed, his voice at such a high pitch Sheik was sure he'd just suffered some minor hearing loss. "E, we didn't talk—"

"Shut it, K!" Elenwe snarled.

"Impa, I—"

"Be quiet, Kafei," Impa cut him off as well. "This is between me and her."

Link cleared his throat, making a shushing gesture to Sheik as they snuck past Zelda, who had her phone out next to Urbosa.

"This is the best party ever," Zelda said excitedly to Urbosa, who hummed in agreement.

"Your poor cousin," Link whispered.

"He knew what he was getting himself into," Sheik hissed back. They were about three fourths way around the room now, and Link paused outside the door Sheik had yet to see open all night. Which meant it could only be... "Zelda's room?"

"Yeah," Link said, grinning.

"I thought it was locked?"

Link withdrew from his pocket a keychain full of...well, keys. "And I have the spare set," he said triumphantly, unlocking the door. "Come on!"

They slipped inside and shut the door, re-locking it. The room was dark save for the pale streetlight shining through the solitary window, but Sheik quickly found the switch on the wall, turning on the ceiling lamp.

More heavy metal posters, and contrary to what Sheik had expected from a girl's bedroom, mostly monochrome decoration with an emphasis on darker shades. Even her bedding was various shades of black and grey, the only white being the pillowcases. The second thing Sheik noticed was the size of the bed. It was huge.

"Zelda never liked small beds," Link explained, remaining by the door, wringing his hands nervously. "Always wanted them big, and her dad could never say no."

The third thing Sheik noticed was a manila folder slung haphazardly on top of the bed's covers. It looked very official, and Sheik recognised the printed logo. He couldn't suppress a gasp.

"Is that—?"

* * *

Link dove across the room and snatched the folder off Zelda's bed before Sheik could start reaching for it. He really liked his boyfriend, but Sheik had a curious streak a mile wide, and Link wasn't ready for anyone to see this just yet.

"It's nothing," he said, backing away from Sheik and towards Zelda's desk, which stood beneath the window. He opened one of the drawers and shoved the folder into it, closing it with unnecessary force. "Nothing," he repeated, breathing shakily.

Sheik didn't look convinced, and the stubborn set of his brow promised nothing but trouble. "I recognised the agency logo, Link," he said. "Have you—"

"I've made a decision, but I'm not ready to talk about it, okay?" Link exclaimed.

Fuck, why couldn't Zelda have hidden the thing better?!

Oh, right.

He wasn't supposed to be in here in the first place.

Well, he'd been left with no option. Extenuating circumstances and all that.

"Okay."

He blinked, looking up from his handwringing (his nails had started leaving marks in his skin). Sheik had come closer, a placating look on his face.

"We don't have to talk about it," he said. "I understand." He took Link's hands into his own, stopping Link from scratching himself. "Now...I believe I was promised a continuation...?"

The kiss was good. Better. The best.

Sheik took the lead this time, to Link's surprise, pushing him up against the wall and attacking his lips. It was sloppy and not very skilled—the nerves, anxiety, and copious amounts of alcohol seeing to that—but Link wouldn't trade it for anything. Plus, it wasn't exactly like he was some sort of expert in this either. That said, the poster frame digging into his shoulder wasn't very comfortable...

"Sheik...mmm...bed?" he managed to semi-ask between bouts of coming up for air.

"Hm?" Sheik asked, opening his eyes, which had slipped closed at some point. They looked a bit glassy, the pupils dilated, nearly obscuring the ruby red of his irises. The skin his cheeks had darkened considerably, and the way he was panting...eugh, it was obscene, and Link loved it, wanted to see more of it.

"Bed," Link repeated.

"Yes," Sheik replied breathily.

They shuffled over to the Zelda's bed and fell onto it a messy tangle of limbs, and then it was all lips, and tongues and teeth. They'd never used tongue before, but damn it if Link didn't want _all_ their kisses to include it from now on, because this was fucking amazing!

Their tongues slid against each other, making obscene sounds as they rolled across the bed. Sheik's hand was in Link's hair, tugging at the strands, causing him to whimper in pain and pleasure. Link broke their lip contact for a moment to nip at Sheik's ear, causing the Sheikah to give a stuttering moan when he bit down gently on the lobe.

Hands began to wander, and soon Link found himself pinned under Sheik, who sat on hips, the Sheikah's hands exploring beneath his shirt. The waistcoat had disappeared somewhere—good riddance, the fucking thing was in the way—and several buttons of his shirt were undone.

"You're...so...hot," Sheik panted, leaning down to kiss him again, eyes heavy-lidded.

"You're one...to talk," Link replied just as out of breath. "Sheik...can I touch you?"

"Please," Sheik practically whimpered.

Sweet Hylia, Link was in the fucking Sacred Realm!

He did his best to carefully remove the too-large sweater Sheik was wearing, and not rip it to pieces in his hurry to see more of his boyfriend. The fitted shirt beneath was gorgeous, but not the main attractions. He sat up on the bed, which caused Sheik to fall back a little, but Link secured him with an arm around his lower back.

"Hey," Link said with a grin, undoing the top button of Sheik's shirt.

"H-Hey," Sheik replied, eyes widening a little, unsure.

"Shh," Link said, marvelling at the sliver of Sheik's upper body the opened button revealed. The clear outline of a collarbone beneath dark skin...Link couldn't resist, kissing it reverently. Sheik whimpered again, this time very much in pleasure, and Link did it again, even nibbling a little.

"So hot," Link repeated, opening another button. "Okay?" he asked, looking up at Sheik, pleased to see his boyfriend nodding eagerly.

"Yeah...please...more..."

Link paused in unbuttoning Sheik's shirt, deciding instead that Sheik's neck looked a little...bare. He leaned up and kissed it, first on the left, then on the right...and then bit, just a little...and sucked.

The sounds Sheik made were better suited for something far more advanced than what they were doing, but Link didn't mind that at all. He loved being the cause of those sounds.

"Link, w-wait," Sheik said, his hands suddenly on Link's shoulders, pushing weakly. It was hard to resist the temptation to just keep going, but Link disengaged—happy to see a red mark on Sheik's neck—and hummed questioningly.

"Want to stop?" he asked. He was painfully hard in his pants (and could feel that Sheik was too), but this was probably moving much too fast for the Sheikah, and Link felt a pang of guilt at the thought of it. The last thing he wanted—would ever want, was push someone into something like this too soon—

"N-No," Sheik said...and then rolled his hips in a truly obscene manner, rubbing their pelvises against each other _just so_. Link moaned loudly. "It's just...unfair that only...I get to be touched," he explained, shuffling back along Link's legs until he could reach down between them, his hand hovering over Link's throbbing length, the only thing separating them being a minimal amount of air, and some cotton. "C-Can I?" he asked.

Yes! Oh Hylia, fuck yes!

He wanted to scream it out loud, but that'd just draw unwanted attention, not to mention kill the mood. Instead he nodded silently, only adding, "I-If you're sure." He looked at Sheik's own rather noticeable bulge. "M-May I?"

"Please," Sheik gasped.

The moment Sheik's hand made contact with him, it felt like electricity shot through Link's entire body, and he couldn't stop himself from bucking into Sheik's hand, needing, wanting, _craving_ more contact and friction. He swore he heard himself almost give a squeal of pleasure.

A _manly_ squeal!

But he wasn't the only one making them. Link's fingertips ran along the material of Sheik's slacks, and the hardness beneath it. Sheik whimpered and wobbled where he sat, nearly losing his balance.

Actually, he did.

They were lying chest to chest now, hands rubbing each other, their tongues duelling. It was hot, sweaty, awkward, and one of the best things Link had ever experienced.

Something was butting into his consciousness, though, annoying him greatly because of its distraction. A jingling sound. Of metal scraping against metal.

Almost like...

Like...

He realised it too late, and by the time he'd managed to look over Sheik's shoulder, the door to the Zelda's room was already swinging open, the girl herself striding (stumbling) drunkenly inside with an equally inebriated Paya on her arm.

"Could've sworn I left the light off," he heard Zelda mutter.

Sheik hadn't heard the door open, but he _did_ hear Zelda's voice, his body going rock-solid at the sound of it. Link closed his eyes, praying for death.

"O-Oh...Zel."

"Hm? Oh...oh my god!"

Link opened his eyes just in time to see Paya disappearing out the door, though Zelda remained standing where she stood—a big, stupid fucking grin spreading on her face.

"Sorry, boys," she cooed. "Didn't mean to disturb."

Link was tongue-tied, unable to as much as apologise for this very compromising situation he'd created. Sheik, on the other hand...

His face was redder than Link had ever seen it as he turned to face her (Link could've sworn his neck turned 180 degrees, like something out of a horror film).

"Didn't anyone teach you to fucking knock?!" he roared at her.

Zelda snorted. "Nope," she said, popping the P. Then she began to laugh...or cackle, was a better description for the ugliest laugh Link had ever heard her give, and left the room, her cackle echoing through the apartment.

Sheik's forehead landed on Link's chest, the boy groaning loudly.

"I-It _is_ her home, Sheik," Link said carefully. "She's probably not used to knocking on her own bedroom door."

Sheik grumbled against Link's chest, the words lost and muffled.

There was some whooping coming from the living room, and the sound of it was very clear. Which meant that...oh no. The door was still open. His idiot of a sister hadn't closed it behind her. And then Link heard the footsteps. The very, _very_ determined footsteps that could only be made by someone wearing...boots...

"What's all this commotion about?" Impa asked, sticking her head inside the room. "Paya looks like she's about to pass out, and Miss Hyrule's going to need an oxygen tank at this...rate..." she trailed off when her eyes landed on the pair of them in the bed.

Everything went quiet for a very long, very uncomfortable moment. All Link heard was the blood rushing in his ears, and try as he might he could not stop himself from meeting Impa's eyes like an idiot, as if things weren't bad enough already!

Sheik had frozen once more, curling up on Link's chest and clearly refusing to acknowledge the horridness of the whole situation.

Why me? I just wanted to kiss Sheik and fool around a little, like everyone else does, like they do in the movies and tv series. Why can't I get that?!

"Mister Hyrule," Impa said slowly and clearly, her voice sounding just a little strained...and trembling with barely suppressed rage. The fact that whatever was building up within her wasn't visible on her face spoke volumes of the tight control she over herself. "Would you kindly take your hands off my nephew?"

Link had never moved so fast in his life, placing his hands, palms-down, firmly on the bed, flattening himself against the mattress.

"Y-Yes, ma'am!" he squeaked.

Above him, Sheik's face had gone eerily still, his expression oddly serene, like he was somewhere else entirely. Link wanted him to stay there, and not have to experience the horror of the human condition, but Impa had other plans.

"Sheik," she said, voice still trembling. "Are you all right?"

Sheik's consciousness returned to the mortal plane, and his face was immediately morphed into a mask of terror. He tried to speak, but all that came out of his mouth was a choking.

"Y-Yes, Impa," he managed to force out. "I'm okay."

"Good, good, good," Impa said, her voice lowering with each repetition of the word, as if trying to convince herself of this fact. Link glanced at her, saw her still standing by the door, ramrod straight. Their eyes met, and oh, there was _hate_ there. "And," she said after a long pause, "this is...consensual, is it? On both parties' accounts?"

Neither Link nor Sheik responded, looking at each other with no small amount of horror.

"Is it?!" Impa repeated, barking the words like she was barely holding herself back from going on the attack. Which of them would feel her fury first was up for speculation.

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

They shouted at the same time.

Impa took a deep breath. Several of them, in fact. Link wondered if she was counting to ten internally. It was one of those tricks he'd been taught in therapy—not for anger issues, but for whenever he felt like he was about to be overwhelmed by his anxiety. Gods, he hoped the trick worked for Impa as well. He'd rather not become a Christmas news story.

"Good, that is good," Impa said, her voice not trembling quite so much. "For the record, getting intimate in someone else's bed is very bad form. You should know better, Sheik, Mr. Hyrule."

"Yes, a-aunt," Sheik said.

"Yes, ma'am," Link said.

"I want you two out in the living room, fully dressed, within the next thirty seconds," Impa continued. "Or so help me, I will fetch you myself. Is that understood?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Good." She turned around and went back out through the door. "Miss Hyrule? A word, please? And your strongest scotch!"

The door closed, leaving them alone again.

And with a mood so thoroughly killed Link would be surprised if they ever managed to resurrect it without the help of a necromancer.

The seconds ticked by, and all the two of them could do was look at each other incredulously.

"So," Sheik said, "that went well?"

Link fainted.

* * *

Sheik made sure his boyfriend was conscious and somewhat coherent before he left Zelda's bedroom, his clothes back on and immaculate. Link needed a moment (and Sheik didn't blame him), so he'd volunteered to go first...into the lion's den, as it were.

Things _appeared_ to be suspiciously normal when he came out. The music was playing, people were still talking and drinking, nothing had coincidentally caught on fire...

Damn it, Kafei, the one time Sheik needed him to create a distraction and apparently he _wasn't_ playing with lighters!

"You okay?" the purple fool himself asked, suddenly standing next to him, looking worried. "I haven't seen Impa that angry in _years_."

"I'm good, she just—"

"Link didn't do anything to you, did he?" Kafei said, looking Sheik up and down, looking for...signs of besmirching, Sheik supposed. "What did that awful boy do?"

Sheik sighed. "Nothing that I wasn't doing right back to him," he said, relishing more than a little in the absolute disgust on Kafei's face.

"That bastard, I'll kill him—"

"You'll do no such thing, honey," Elenwe said as she appeared from behind Kafei, grabbing him by the nape of his neck (his actual nape) and dragging him away. "Go on," she told Sheik. "Time to make your case."

There was a spot open on the sofa next to Impa. Sheik sat down in it, realising that there was a suspiciously calm and non-crowded area that had formed in a circle around the Sheikah matriarch. Even drunk partygoers could sense the danger, then.

"H-Hey," he said carefully, watching his aunt take a long sip from her scotch. Generally, people show some sort of reaction when drinking strong spirits. Impa might as well have been drinking water.

"Where is he?" she asked, making him flinch.

"In the bedroom," Sheik explained. "He...needed a little time to recover. From the shock, I mean," he added, seeing an almost imperceptible widening of Impa's eyes. "We didn't...you know...finish." He wanted to vomit.

"I should hope not," Impa said, moving to put her glass down, but evidently reconsidering and filling it up instead. The bottle looked expensive, but Impa didn't care much to enjoy her drink, it seemed.

Where was Zelda, anyway? And Paya? Probably back in the kitchen, the cowards!

"Look, Impa, I—"

"I generally try not to stick my nose too far into the business of my children," Impa interrupted him, not even looking at him now, instead pretending to read the label of the bottle. "I believe in respecting each other's privacy."

"Oh, that's—"

" _To a point_ ," she said, putting the bottle down and taking a sip. "I do not meddle in your day to day life, because I trust you—all of you—to work hard, but also take care of yourselves and each other. I also expect you to inform me whenever something important happens, be that in your academic, professional, or personal lives. The sort of thing that can have consequences, both immediate and long-lasting. The things I can easily find out for myself if I decide to start digging...but there is that respect issue again." She sighed, looking at him with a frown. "Why didn't you tell me you had met someone?"

Sheik hadn't expected that question. "Uh..."

"Kafei saw fit to tell me when he met someone, as did Paya."

"I, uh..."

"Granted, they didn't share _many_ details about who they had met, but at least I knew they'd found partners." She glanced towards the corner Elenwe had dragged Kafei into. "Meeting them was certainly interesting."

"I wasn't sure how you'd react," Sheik blurted out.

Impa paused. "How I'd react?" she repeated. "To...?"

Sheik was silent for a moment, wringing his hands, nails digging into his palms.

Impa noticed and reached into her purse, withdrawing a fresh fidget cube.

"Here," she said, "use this. Take your time."

Sheik accepted it, grateful.

"That I was...dating a...boy," he finally managed to say, after a long, endless period of trying to put into words what he'd been worried about when it came to Impa.

Impa hummed. "I already knew that, when the time came, you would be bringing a boy. I thought I had made that clear."

Sheik remembered the pamphlets, and shuddered. "Wasn't sure if that was approval or...you know...a warning."

"It was neither," Impa said. "It was an acknowledgement. Your preference is not something I can affect, nor would I wish to even if that were the case. I simply wanted you to know how to be safe."

"And the elders?"

Impa snorted. "The elders can fuck off."

Sheik gaped at her, and he heard Kafei gasping loudly in the corner, clearly having listened in. Impa didn't swear. It was one of those natural laws that just couldn't be broken. She'd done her best to excise their vocabularies of anything that was considered rude words when they were younger, leading by example, but here they were. The law had been broken, and the world was tilting upside down.

"Oh, don't give me that look, nephew," Impa said, rolling her eyes. "That has been my sentiment for as long as I can remember, and I'm quite sure you have noticed as well."

"Well, yeah, I just...didn't expect you to actually say it," he admitted, fidgeting with the cube. This was a good one. It had clicky rubber buttons. He kind of wished he had a drink too, though. This was definitely a conversation he wasn't drunk enough for.

"I've wanted to for years," she said. "And scotch makes me very honest."

Sheik couldn't help but grin a little. "How drunk are you, anyway?" he asked.

"Nephew," Impa said very seriously, "I started drinking on the plane. It was the only way I'd make it through the flight without killing my seat neighbour."

"That bad?"

"About as smart as a newel post and deep as a puddle," she said. "Started asking questions about me and my _culture_. And then he referred to me as 'one of the good ones'." She gave him a sardonic look. "Tell me, was I wrong?"

"I'd say you did a good thing," Sheik answered honestly.

"Agreed," Impa said, punctuating her sentence with another sip of scotch. "So...Link Hyrule?"

Oh gods, why did she want to talk about this? They _didn't_ talk about these things; they were Sheikah, damn it!

"I like him," Sheik said, focusing on the cube. "He's...nice."

"And handsy," Impa muttered darkly. "I saw the way he looked at you. Couldn't keep his eyes off."

Sheik wondered if it was possible to pass out from all his blood rushing to his face.

"He didn't pressure you into it, did he?" she continued.

"No!" he exclaimed. "I...I wanted that. We both did."

What floor did Zelda live on, again? Would jumping through the window kill him? He hoped so. It was becoming a more and more tempting prospect.

"Hmph," Impa harrumphed. Actually harrumphed. She must have been absolutely wasted. "How long?"

"Um...our first date was three months ago, but we've known each other for...half a year, maybe, I'm not entirely sure how long."

"And how did you meet?"

Right, well. He couldn't be honest here. Couldn't. Telling Impa that they'd met at a highly illegal street racing event—and that Link had been one of the racers—was just out of the question! He wasn't sure what or how much Paya and Kafei had told Impa, but he trusted them not to have been stupid enough to tell her _that_! But what else could he say...?

Oh.

Wait.

Yes, perfect!

"At school," Sheik said. "Ran into each other in the hall, literally."

It wasn't even a lie. It was perfectly honest! They just hadn't been formally introduced yet.

"I see."

"Kafei was there, he can confirm it," Sheik added.

"I believe you, nephew," Impa said. "It's around the same time Paya met Miss Hyrule, if I'm not entirely wrong." She looked around the living room, noticing the pair's conspicuous absence. "Gone again, I see. It's like herding cats, looking after the three of you."

"You don't mind?" Sheik asked. "Paya and Zelda?"

"Should I?" Impa said, looking surprised. "Paya seems happy, and Miss Hyrule appears to be a decent sort. Very polite and considerate, at least."

"And Elenwe?" Sheik said, nodding to the corner, where the Gerudo in question currently had Kafei in a headlock, demanding to know who was the man.

"A fine young woman," Impa said. "Driven, determined, a good head on her shoulders. The opposite of your cousin, and perfect for him." She drank. "A bit of a relief, to be honest," she admitted. "Eases my worry that he's going to accidentally kill himself doing something monumentally stupid."

Sheik couldn't suppress the snort. Impa grinned a little, looking wicked.

"I'll have to punish him, you know," she said.

"What?"

"Your boy," Impa clarified. "For not introducing himself as your partner, when we met. And then for defiling you while I was in the next room. There is such a thing as decorum, and keeping your hands to yourself at social gatherings is definitely part of that."

Oh, that window was looking mighty fine, now.

"You're not off the hook either," she added. "But I'll leave your punishment for later."

If he ran _now_ , he'd make it to the window before anyone could stop him.

The bedroom door opened, and Link tried to make a stealthy entrance, but Impa homed in on him immediately. Her grip on her glass tightened considerably, and Sheik swore he could hear it creak.

"Aunt, please don't," he pleaded with her. "He's...like me. Anxious."

That made Impa relax her grip a little. A fraction. She opened her mouth to speak, but Kafei, who'd bounced out of his corner interrupted her.

"Top you off, Aunt Impa?" he asked, gesturing to the bottle of scotch and the nearly empty glass (how the fuck had she drunk so much already? And remain coherent?).

Impa looked between him, Sheik, and Link in the distance, who'd been intercepted by Elenwe. She looked to be giving him a quick briefing of sorts. How to deal with Impa, or something.

"No, Kafei," Impa said. "However, I understand there is eggnog to be had. A cup of that would be nice."

"On it," Kafei announced, hurling himself into the kitchen. "Oh no, not again! Get off the damn counter, you animals!" his voice could be heard shouting. Then he gave a wail of despair.

"I keep forgetting how loud he is when he's been drinking," Impa noted idly, her eyes never leaving Link and Elenwe. Link was pointedly not looking in their direction.

"He's been drunk around you before?" Sheik asked in wonder.

"He was sixteen," Impa said. "Thought he could sneak in late at night and go unnoticed—like I _wouldn't_ notice that he'd broken curfew. I taught him the error of his ways the day after."

"Here, Impa, your eggnog."

"Thank you, Kafei, that is very kind of y—nephew, what is this?"

Impa's question drew Sheik's attention back his relatives, and the sight of Kafei standing in front of Impa, offering her a ladle of eggnog...half of which had been spilled along the way from the kitchen, judging by the trail he'd left behind.

"Eggnog?" Kafei tried. He broke under Impa's stare. "There weren't any cups!" he wailed.

Impa stared for a moment before accepting the ladle and, like it was the most normal fucking in the world for her, drinking from it.

"Ah, good and strong," she noted.

Kafei deflated with relief.

"Thank you, Kafei."

"You're welcome. Oh, and Sheik?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"Were the pamphlets informative?"

What was the world coming to?!

* * *

"She hates me," Link said, staring at the wall just behind Elenwe. "She's going to kill me."

"Nah," Elenwe said, patting his shoulder. "She'll maim you a little at worst. You just gotta show her that you're not some weird, flaky, little bastard who's just out to get his filthy hands on her precious nephew."

"How do I do that?" he asked.

Elenwe hummed in thought. "Cage match?" she suggested.

"I hate you," Link said, glaring at her.

"Good," Elenwe said, rubbing her hands together like some movie villain, "use that hate to fuel your righteous crusade for Sheik's hand and heart! Go on, fight for your man!" she said happily, pushing him towards the sofa...where Impa now appeared to be drinking eggnog straight from the ladle.

Behind them, he saw Paya and Zelda standing in the kitchen doorway, watching the bizarre event. They were wearing each other's shirts...which was pretty fucking obvious due to their size difference.

A pang of annoyance struck him. Why the hell was it okay for Paya and Zelda to be together—barely getting a raised eyebrow from the matriarch—yet Link was apparently public enemy number one for being with Sheik?

"Link," Sheik said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm—"

"That is to be determined," Impa said, handing the ladle back to Kafei. "Some of more that please, Kafei, but perhaps in a proper container this time. A jug, if you must. Sheik, go help him."

"But I—"

"Come on, cousin," Kafei said, more or less dragging Sheik back to the kitchen. "Take the reprieve for what it is." Link could only watch in despair as his safety net was taken away from him.

"Mr. Hyrule," Impa said coldly, looking up at him while also patting the seat next to hers. "Please, join me."

He did so, very gingerly. "My name isn't Hyrule," he said, feeling he should clarify that mistake as soon as possible.

"Pardon?"

"My last name," he said. "It isn't Hyrule."

Impa looked confused. "Forgive me, but you were introduced to me as Zelda's adopted little brother, and I assumed..."

"Foster brother, not adopted," he explained. "Her father raised me, but I'm not a Hyrule."

"Oh, I see," Impa said, nodding. "I did not know. Forgive me." She bowed her head again, an oddly respectful gesture given the fact that she was probably one wrongly worded sentence away from killing him.

"It's okay," he said hurriedly. "I didn't say anything, so..."

"Nevertheless, it was disrespectful of me," Impa said. "May I know your last name, then?"

"Kokiri."

It was the name that had been chosen for him by the system. No one knew who his parents' family names were, so he'd been given Kokiri. It had always felt like a placeholder name, but it was better than nothing, Link supposed.

"Mr. Kokiri, then," Impa said.

"Call me Link, please."

Was he in a position to make requests like that? He had no idea, but he _did_ know he didn't like being referred to or addressed by his last name.

"Link." Impa nodded. "As you wish."

"I like him a lot," Link said before his brain could really get going. "Sheik, I mean. He's great. He's so smart and funny."

Oh, this was just the worst! Verbal diarrhoea at the worst possible moment.

"I should certainly hope so, otherwise I'd be very sceptical to the idea of a continued relationship between the two of you," Impa said, pouring herself another scotch, the corner of her eye twitching a little.

"And I can only...wait, continued?" Link asked.

Impa leaned back against the sofa's back, giving him a considering look.

"Much as it pains me to imagine my nephew at the mercy of you and your hands, Link," she said with a grimace, "I am also very aware that you are both adults, and fully capable of making your own decisions and mistakes." She closed her eyes for moment, frowning. "And while I _know_ that the time has come for me to let him go...I find that very difficult."

"I underst—"

"You will respect him," she cut him off, now glaring at him with the fury of a thousand suns. "You will listen to him. If he says no, it means no."

He nodded sharply, his heart feeling like it was about to explode. "Of cou—"

"If you hurt him," Impa said, lowering her voice, "or betray him in any way, shape, or form, then know this: I can make you disappear, without a trace. And I will not hesitate. Is that clear?"

"Y-Yes, ma'am," Link gulped, almost shrieking when a hand was thrust in his face.

"Then we have an understanding," she said after Link hesitantly shook it. "Don't make me regret this."

"You won't," Link said, even managing to dredge up a little backbone to make his statement firm. "I will never hurt him."

"See that you don't," Impa said. "A drink?" she asked, offering him the scotch bottle.

Was it a test? Link didn't care. He took the bottle and drank directly from it.

For the first time that evening, Impa grinned at him. It was like looking at the teeth of a lion.

* * *

"She's going to kill me in my sleep," Link said, huddling close to Sheik on the sofa. "I just know it."

"I don't think she'd go that far," Sheik said, petting his boyfriend's hair softly. "She'd start by leaving a knife on your pillow, as a warning to start behaving, and then move on to maiming before finally killing you."

"...I can't tell if you're being serious or not," Link said.

"I'm not entirely sure myself."

* * *

As the evening wore on, most of the guests drifted away, either leaving for other parties or going home. Link and Impa had made some sort of truce. Or Impa had decided to leave the hostilities aside for now, engaging Link in conversation every now and then when it was natural to do so.

At some point, Ayla had shown up. Like, just magically appeared in the apartment, wearing an extremely stylish, yet formal dark purple dress. She'd wasted no time in getting absolutely wasted, claiming the evening's event, which she'd attended with her mother, had been insufferable. Some sort of political fundraiser for some politician no one really liked. She'd left as early as she could, but her mother hadn't been happy about it.

"She'll kill me when I get home later, it'll be great," she said, drinking eggnog out of a saucer.

(They'd run out cups, glasses, and jugs).

Impa had started warming up—or gotten sufficiently drunk—enough to engage a little more with the party, and at the moment she was the very centre of attention as she explained to some enraptured listeners how to turn even the most innocuous party supplies into deadly weapons.

"Glitter," she said, holding a small plastic tube full of the stuff. "Surprisingly easy—shove a handful down someone's throat and it'll block their airways. If you've got streamers, you can add in a little strangulation to ensure you get the job done."

"Your aunt is the best," Zelda whispered to Paya, sitting on the floor in front of the sofa. "What else can you use, Mistress Impa?"

"Glad you asked," Impa said cheerfully, grabbing a cocktail skewer and holding it aloft for everyone to see. "You wouldn't think these little things are strong enough to cause any damage, but it's all about how you use them. You need to be creative!"

After a while, Link and Sheik relocated to the kitchen again, though their hands were kept strictly at their sides. The last thing either of them wanted was for Impa to accidentally (or purposefully) interrupt them again.

They'd both been over-peopled and needed a break, so they were sitting at the kitchen table, streaming an episode of an anime Link had found a few days ago, and he tried to explain what _moe_ meant to Sheik, and show him a few examples.

That is, until Zelda poked her head inside the kitchen.

"Link," she said. "Just got a text from dad. He's on his way, should be here in the next ten minutes or so."

For the nth time that night, Link's stomach plunged. "O-Okay," he said. "Thanks."

"Want me to get..." Zelda trailed off, shrugging. "You know. _That_?"

"Already?"

She rolled her eyes. "What, and let you conveniently chicken out? Hell no. I'm getting it."

She was gone before Link could protest, just as the anime's ending theme started playing on his phone.

"Folder?" Sheik asked.

"Yeah," he said, sighing deeply, pulse already rising.

Sheik's hand grabbed his under the table, squeezing gently. "It's going to be fine," the Sheikah said, kissing his cheek. "You know that, right? There's literally nothing that can go wrong here."

Link squeezed back, blushing at the kiss. "I wish my brain would believe you," he said, chuckling. "It keeps telling me that it'll be a disaster."

"Nah," Sheik said, bumping their shoulders. "Only one disaster per night is allowed, and we've already had our allotted one with Impa."

"Heh, true..."

Link tried his best to keep himself distracted, but the anime wasn't enough, so they moved to the living room. Impa was scary when she really committed herself to explaining how to use a pizza wheel to wreak havoc amongst your enemies, but at least this was the devil he knew.

By the time the doorbell finally rang, however, he was a wreck, practically shaking in his seat.

"Go to my room," Zelda whispered into his ear. "Just...wait there, and I'll send him to you."

"I don't kn-know if I c-can—"

"You have to, Link, or you'll regret it."

"Agreed," Sheik whispered from his other side. How the hell he'd heard that, Link didn't know, but he appreciated it anyway. "Remember what we talked about, up on the hill? No guilt."

Link _did_ remember that talk, not to mention the heavy weight that had been lifted off his shoulder after it. Sheik was right, and so was Zelda. He'd regret this forever if he didn't pull himself together and just do it.

"Okay," he said, nodding. "I'll...wait in your room."

"We'll be out here," Zelda said. "Come get us if you need it."

* * *

In hindsight, waiting in Zelda's room was a bit of a mistake. Sheik had offered to stay with him, but he'd declined, not sure he'd be able to go through with it if he had any distractions with him. Plus, he'd seen the way Impa's head had turned towards him the moment Sheik had offered, and known that was the quickest way to a painful death if he accepted.

He listened to the sounds from the living room, heard Rhoam Hyrule's boisterous voice announcing his arrival, demanding to see his beloved children. Usually, there'd be a round of loud and enthusiastic introductions, but Zelda got to him early, and soon enough there was a knock on her bedroom door.

"C-Come in," Link said. He was sitting on Zelda's bed, the manila folder in his hands.

The door opened, and Rhoam Hyrule stepped inside, looking a little uncertain. He was a tall man, and broad-shouldered, clad in an expensive, tailored black suit. His face was mostly obscured by a large, yet well-kept beard and moustache combo. They had once been bright blonde, but the hairs had started greying in the last couple of years. His eyes were as sharp as ever, quickly landing on Link.

"Ah, there you are, Link," he said happily. "Zel said you wanted to talk to me in private? Is something the matter?"

"Um..." Link's throat was suddenly dry, and his vocabulary was...gone. He didn't have any words to offer. All he could do was hold out the folder for Rhoam to take, interrupting the man's attempt to pull him into a hug.

"What's this?" Rhoam asked, a little miffed at being denied his usual hug, but when he saw the logo on the folder he quickly sobered up. He opened the folder and looked at the header on the papers within. His eyes widened, and he quickly leafed through the sizeable number of pages, his lips moving silently as he read them. "Link," he said after finishing, staring at the last page. "This is...adoption papers?"

"J-Just need your s-signature," Link said, standing up, fists clenched. This was it. If Rhoam didn't agree...he wasn't sure what he'd do. Die of shame, maybe. "If...if you s-still want to."

"If...I still want to?" Rhoam asked, staring at him in disbelief.

"It's late, I know," Link said, his mouth beginning to move on its own, as it was wont to do at the worst of times. "And I totally understand if you don't want t-to anymore. I d-didn't appreciate it, I think, b-before, and I d-don't want to make you uncomfortable. If it's off th-the table, j-just tell me and I'll accept th-that, I'll even—"

"Link, slow down," Rhoam said, touching his cheek carefully. "Come back to me, okay? Don't get lost."

Link breathed slowly, getting his control back. "Mmm," he hummed, focusing on the feel of Rhoam's warm hand on his cheek.

"There you are," his foster father said, smiling. "Now...I asked about this, before, but you were always so adamant. Did something change?"

"I...talked to someone about it."

Rhoam looked confused. Then he realised who Link meant. "Oh, your young man, right?"

"Y-Yeah."

"And?"

"He m-made me see it from a different p-perspective."

"Hm," Rhoam said, looking at the folder again. His eyes met Link's. "And you're sure about this?" he asked.

"Y-Yeah. A-Are...is that okay?"

Link wasn't sure what to expect, but for Rhoam's blue eyes to fill with tears wasn't it.

"Of course," he said, he said, voice trembling. "Of course it is!" he exclaimed, pulling Link into an absolutely crushing hug. "I've been waiting for this for years!"

"S-Sorry it took me so long," Link said, feeling his shoulder getting wet, pretending that he wasn't crying just as badly.

"D-Dad."

Rhoam's whole body shuddered. "My boy," he whispered.

* * *

The rest of the party was, to Sheik, a bit of a blur. Mr. Hyrule had emerged from the bedroom with Link under one arm, and the manila folder in his hand, shouting to the room, "I have a son!", which had been met with enthusiastic applause from the remaining guests.

Sidon, in particular, had been extremely loud. He'd also cried.

A lot.

Even Impa had clapped, having quickly been filled in on the situation by Sheik, understanding just how big of a moment this was.

And then all hell had broken loose, as what few holds had remained were unbarred. The music was loud, the drinks flowed freely, and Sheik found himself glued to Link's side all night.

That is, until the big man himself approached Sheik, still holding Link close, as if afraid he'd disappear if he let go for even a second.

"So, you're the one to whom I owe my new familial connection," he said, taking Sheik's hand in his huge one and shaking it firmly. "Sheik, right? A pleasure to finally meet you, young man."

"Likewise, sir," he replied, feeling a little helpless. He seemed to have shuffled into the back of his mind the fact that he was going to meet Link's dad slash guardian that night. He'd been too concerned with making sure Link was okay, and that Impa wasn't going to skin them both alive at some point.

"Thank you for helping Link, truly," Mr. Hyrule continued. "He has been...different, since he met you. More content, I think. Thank you for that. It puts me at ease, knowing he has someone like you to lean on when things get tough."

"He does the same for me, sir," Sheik said. "He's helped me a lot."

"As proper partners should," the big man said, nodding. "Now, why don't you tell me a little about yourself? Link has only provided me the bare minimum of details, and I should very much like to know more about my future son-in-law."

Link blushed heavily, finally freeing himself from his father's hold.

Sheik, on the other hand, choked on his own saliva.

"S-Son-in-l-l-law?!" he squeaked.

"Okay, dad, that's enough out of you!" Zelda said, suddenly appearing at his side like a guardian angel, pushing him away. "Let's not scare Link's boyfriend away!"

"But I want to know!" Mr. Hyrule whined, but his daughter was relentless, shoving towards the sofas.

"How about you meet my girlfriend too, huh?!" she shouted. "Paya's been a wreck all night!"

Mr. Hyrule perked up, his face like a shining sun. "Daughter-in-law!" he exclaimed, letting himself be guided towards Paya, who looked just as nervous as Sheik had felt.

The man was like a force of nature.

"Son-in-law, was it?" Impa's tone was filled with venom as she regarded the man with a ferocious glare, having appeared out of nowhere behind them. "Daughter-in-law?"

"I d-don't think he meant that literally," Sheik said carefully, wondering if he'd have to stop his aunt from committing murder that night after all. "He's just...very enthusiastic."

"He is," Link agreed, nodding.

"And friendly," Kafei added, coming up to them. There were fresh hickeys on his throat. Elenwe was deep in conversation with Ayla on the sofa, occasionally throwing glances in Kafei's direction. giggling, surely laying evil plans.

"That's one way to describe him, I suppose," Impa said. "If he thinks he's going to steal you from me, he's got another thing coming. Looks like I made the right decision after all."

"Decision?" Sheik asked.

"About moving here," the matriarch said matter-of-factly. "As if I'll let that man steal my children away from me. I'll fight him every step of the way. In fact, I'll start right now."

Sheik was too busy digesting the first bombshell to properly understand the second, and could only watch helplessly as Impa stalked her away across the room, tapping the big man on the shoulder and introducing herself. He couldn't hear what they said to each other, but the next thing he knew the coffee table had been fetched, and the pair of them were kneeling on either side of it, gripping each other's hands.

"What're they...?" Link asked.

"Arm wrestling," Sheik said, hiding his face in his hands. "They're arm wrestling."

"How drunk is she?"

"To publicly make a spectacle like this? Very."

Never mind the fact that he'd never seen his aunt act so...childishly, if here honest.

She must have been completely bombed, supremely wasted, utterly gazeboed.

"Did she say she'd move here?" Kafei asked, his brain still stuck where Impa had left it. "Like... _here_? To the city? Near us?"

"So it would seem," Sheik said, not sure how he felt about that at all.

There were a lot of things he wasn't sure about at the moment, and frankly he doubted he had the energy or mental fortitude to contemplate them right now. Judging by the way Link was slumping against him, the daredevil was feeling much the same. Add in the drinks they'd both had over the course of the evening, and it was a wonder they were still standing at all.

"That means she'll be within driving distance," Kafei muttered to himself, clearly having some difficulties accepting this new, future reality. "She'll...she'll be able to _check_ on us."

The words were spoken with the sort of panic Sheik usually reserved for feeling whenever he was in a crowded, public space. Given the idiocy Kafei got up to whenever he had no adult supervision, it could only be a good thing.

He felt Link slump against him a little more, his boyfriend yawning widely.

"Tired?" he asked, smiling.

"Exhausted," Link said. "It's been a long night."

"It's past two," Sheik said, looking at his phone. "Didn't go as bad as you imagined, did it?" he added. "I hate to say I told you so..."

"No, you don't," Link said, grimacing. "You love it."

"Heh, that's true..."

"But I still like you," the Hylian said, kissing Sheik's cheek, and then the corner of his lips. "A lot."

"I like you a lot too," Sheik replied, kissing him properly.

As it turns out, that was a mistake. Because while Impa was very much trying her best to beat Rhoam at arm wrestling (and not accidentally snap his arm—which Sheik knew she was capable of), she was _also_ keeping an eye on Sheik.

"Hyrule, I warned you," she said coldly. "Those hands? They're coming off."

The room fell silent. Link and Sheik looked at each other for about two seconds, at which point their minds clicked into sync.

"Wanna leave?" Link asked.

"You read my mind!"

Chaos erupted. Half the room wanted to help them leave in order to preserve Link's life, the other wanted them to stay for the entertainment value of watching Link get the snot beaten out of him for defiling Impa's nephew (Revali was the loudest proponent of this). Sidon, blessed Sidon, placed himself bodily in the way of the rush, giving them the time needed to grab their coats and leave Zelda's apartment in a rush.

Sidon had no idea what he'd face by trying to stop Impa, but right then Sheik couldn't care less—he'd thank the giant man later, if he survived the night.

They ran through the halls and down the stairwell, laughing from that sweet combination of excitement and terror. They reached the ground floor and left the building, running through the streets as fast as their feet would take them.

Only when they were several blocks away from Zelda's building did they stop running, panting and laughing, their coats only half-on. They paused beneath a streetlamp, taking a moment to catch their breaths.

"You realise..." Sheik panted. "They're going to...kill us...the next time...we see them."

"Oh, I know," Link said, equally out of breath. "But we're...free for now..."

Sheik shivered, pulling his coat on properly. It was a black peacoat, though a little on the thin side for the temperature. He continued shivering until Link opened his arms.

"C'mere," he said, making grabby hand motions, leaning against the streetlamp. Sheik went into his arms, and made a pleased sound when Link pulled him close. "I don't think I said this yet," the daredevil said, looking into Sheik's eyes. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Sheik replied, not even bothering waiting for Link to move, crushing his lips against the daredevil's.

It wasn't an elegant kiss. They were both drunk, and exhausted. It was little more than rubbing their faces against each other, but it was still absolutely lovely in Sheik's opinion. Judging by Link's pleased moan, he thought so too.

But nothing good lasts forever, and the mood was quickly dampened as they both began to shiver in the cold.

"It's freezing out here," Link said as they separated, brushing stray snowflakes from Sheik's hair. "Wanna go to my place?"

"Mine's closer," Sheik said, trying his best for a saucy expression (and probably failing miserably). Link seemed to like it a lot, though, and he grinned.

"I like the sound of that," he said. "But...we can't take Epona. I'm too drunk, and the conditions are terrible for bikes anyway, and the others—"

"We can take the bus," Sheik assured him. "They still run this late."

"Well then," Link said, offering Sheik his hand. "Shall we?"

Sheik took it. "We shall," he confirmed.

It'd been a wild night—a little too wild at times—but Sheik wouldn't have it any other way. He had his family, his boyfriend, a father-in-law (apparently), and now his aunt was coming to stay.

Could it get any better?

He highly doubted it.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> **A little late, but I hope you enjoyed this festive holiday fic!**


End file.
